This Week in Stupid- OMG...what if I'm the dumbass??
Tim Gurner wants to bend Sen. John Kennedy over a chair and cause him some "pain in the economy," if you know what I mean
And Now I Know There is a Big Penis Defense
So many sad and tired porn jokes could be made here, but the humor gets lost when a woman dies, allegedly choked by her boyfriend’s monster schlong. And, just when the story takes a turn for the weird, the defense lawyer decides it would be helpful if the jury could see his client’s…um…member.
And, no, you can’t make this stuff up.
And to prove just how confusing it is for a man with a fucking fire hose in his drawers, the defense came up with the idea that the jury needs to see it. They figured if the jury could see Richard’s penis they’d understand how he could have thought Francisca fellatio'd herself into an early death.
It was just consensual oral sex between my client and his girlfriend. They were in the throes of passion, and the next thing he knew, she died just before she was about to finish him off.
Damn, the bad luck.
And that’s how “The Big Penis Defense” was born.
Perhaps it’s time to remind this spoiled, arrogant asshole that without his workers, he’d be digging graves in the Australian Outback.
An Australian CEO who previously blamed the financial woes of millennials on their consumption of avocado toast now has another hot take: He wants unemployment to rise drastically in his home country because workers are too arrogant.
On Tuesday, Tim Gurner, the founder and head of Gurner Group, suggested that employees need to be reminded “that they work for the employer, not the other way around,” according to The Australian Financial Review.
Gurner’s missing the boat on who’s “too arrogant.” Today’s poster child for the Dunning-Kruger Effect might benefit from a boost in his self-awareness.
NOTE: IF YOU SEE THIS MAN, KICK HIS ASS. THE WORLD WILL THANK YOU FOR IT.
I’d have something to say, but first I must get off the toilet….
American exceptionalism strikes again, this time in the pharmaceutical aisle. According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, the US is having a love affair with laxatives; Americans of all ages are ingesting so much of the stuff that there are now shortages nationwide.
“It’s crazy to think that our collective bowel dysfunction problems have gotten so bad that we’re running out of stool softeners,” Dr George Pavlou, head of the Gastroenterology Associates of New Jersey, told the WSJ….
Disordered eating isn’t the only factor feeding into a boom in bowel problems. Our guts and brains are connected and anxiety often manifests itself in stomach issues. The pandemic has obviously taken a big toll on our collective mental health and that has filtered down to our gut health.
Of course, there is a more obvious culprit: the food we eat. Many of us eat a lot of crap because that is what tends to be convenient, cheap, and tasty. Ultra-processed food (UPFs) make up 57% of the UK diet; among children and lower-income people that number is as high as 80%. The UK is outdone only by the US: UPFs make up 73% of the US food supply, according to Northeastern University’s Network Science Institute, and provide the average adult with more than 60% of their daily calories.
[Feel free to insert something about digging our graves with our teeth here.]
Ryan Walters Says Biden Wants to Destroy Faith, Family, and the Nation
If Joe Biden is trying to destroy faith, family, and the nation, I’m Kevin McCarthy’s rent boy. Ryan Walters represents a FAR more significant threat to America than Joe Biden could ever hope to.
That and Walters is a Christian Nationalist culture warrior, so he’s PRECISELY who we need in charge of educating children if we want our children brainwashed into becoming thoughtless Christian soldiers.
He’s not just in charge of Oklahoma’s public schools; he’s promoting Far-Right propaganda in the state’s curriculum.
WHAT separation of Church and State?
House speaker Kevin McCarthy announces impeachment inquiry into Joe Biden
Why WOULDN’T you make a mockery of yourself and the institution you lead to maintain your tenuous grip on power? Kevin McCarthy’s speakership has been a joke, an exercise in keeping the rabid Far-Rightwingers under control…but the reality is that they control him.
The inmates are running the asylum.
Why Stupid People Think They're Smart [The Dunning-Kruger Effect]
Wait for it…Santos’ head exploding in 4…3…2….
Swifties’ wildest dream: US media outlet posts Taylor Swift reporter job
A full-time job covering the thoughts, actions, and impact of one person? The Tao of Taylor Swift?
If Senator John Kennedy Starts Reading To You, Call The Cops
Few Senators are more gifted at playing a local yokel than Sen. John Kennedy (R-LA), who plays a dumb rube on the Senate floor but went to Oxford…so he might be faking. We don’t know at NS&CB World Headquarters, nor do we care.
We know he’s one of the Social Conservatives who believes that if children are never exposed to anything gay, they’ll never turn gay. Someone should probably tell him how that all works.
[Kennedy’s] the Republican senator from Louisiana who pretends to be the stupidest yokel ever to grace that august body since the days when it had open slaveowners in its ranks, but actually he went to Oxford so he’s probably faking.
Yesterday, the Senate Judicary Committee had a hearing about the conservative book-banning/book-burning trend, which is part of the “family values” conservative Christian crusade to eradicate the LGBTQ+ population. As we have discussed before, these people are pig-ignorant enough to believe that if kids are never exposed to anything LGBTQ+, they will never themselves be LGBTQ+. They have swallowed like a dick their big lie that kids only become LGBTQ+ if they are “groomed” into such things.
This is why the Republicans and their associated white fascist hate groups are obsessed with banning the books in the library, on top of how reading has always been a pathway directly away from a life of pant-shitting inbred conservatism.
I’d highly recommend watching the videos that probably turned Sen Kennedy gay, as he reads two graphic anal sex scenes from two books he’s convinced will turn kids gay. It’s comedy gold.
(Warning: explicit language.)
Someone should probably tell Sen. Kennedy that most “grooming” is done by White Conservative Christian heterosexual males. But why let the truth get in the way of some perfectly good gay-bashing, right??
Hey, do you have any lube???
Anderson Cooper Exposes Kevin McCarthy's Hypocrisy With 2019 Tweet
Why would you need evidence to impeach a Democratic President? The man’s guilty, so let’s start the impeachment process, and we’ll find “evidence” as we go along.
Because REAL Americans know Joe Biden has as much business in the White House as Randy Rainbow.
‘The depths of ignorance’: Tuberville wrongly assumes Milley can stay past retirement date
Good Lord, y’all…the man IS dumber than a box full of half-eaten Snickers bars.
Lauren Boebert Thrown Out Of ‘Beetlejuice’ Musical For Causing ‘Disturbance’
This is what happens when you elect someone to Congress with the maturity of a spoiled 16-year-old with Daddy issues. She’s used to being the center of attention; she demands it, and when she doesn’t get it, she pitches a fit and ensures that she is the center of attention.
And she calls transgender people “degenerates?” A little self-awareness would go a LONG way, sis….
This is precisely the principled, moral, and mature leadership Coloradans should be able to expect from their Congresswoman, eh?
And she’s dumber than your average post-turtle. BONUS!!
Impartial justice is for losers and Liberals.
Wait…there are Nazis in Atlanta? And they’re Black? Wait a minute….
“Disneyland Characters Are Strippers for Kids” - Meredith Casey
Dirtbag Texas AG Ken Paxton Slithers Out Of Accountability In Impeachment Trial, Surprise
Seriously…did anyone think Texas AG/dirtbag Ken Paxton would be held accountable by his fellow Republicans? Despite some solid evidence of serious wrongdoing, Paxton was not convicted by the Texas Senate and will be allowed to continue in office.
Shocked I am (not) that Texas Republicans would give one of their own (slimiest dirtbags) a free pass, but the bar for a conviction in the Texas Senate is pretty high…as long as you’re a Republican.
Paxton is not out of legal jeopardy, though, as he’s still facing legal investigations that Republicans in the Senate can’t fix for him, so there’s still a chance he may go to prison.
LOCK HIM UP!! LOCK HIM UP!! LOCK HIM UP!! LOCK HIM UP!! LOCK HIM UP!! LOCK HIM UP!!
The Former Guy is such a target-rich environment when it comes to nickname possibilities, but the one that Joe Biden came up with is a beauty:
Donald Hoover Trump. Only two Presidents left office with the economy having fewer jobs than when they took office: Herbert Hoover and The Former Guy (TFG). And, despite TFG’s constant bragging about how he left the economy in such incredible shape, it was a shit-show when he left office. TFG didn’t even have a depression to blame it on.
“Dark Brandon” nailed it.
It would be difficult to overstate what an anti-Semitic scumbag The Former Guy (TFG) is. His vile, self-serving appeal to the Jewish community he usually has little use for was pathetic and offensive in a way I can’t find the words to describe adequately. TFG is a miserable, disgusting racist and anti-Semite who believes that even those demographic groups he despises owe him their votes.
Come on, America; surely y’all can do better than this?
Lauren Boebert Breaks Up With 'Beetlejuice' Democrat, Romance Officially Dead
It’s been amusing watching Rep. Lauren Boebert attempt to slither from under her “Beetlejuice” scandal- the one that probably wouldn’t have amounted to much had she been honest about it.
“Yeah, I was vaping…and I grabbed his hot rod…and he played with my boobies…and I was a wee bit overly enthusiastic. Because of all that, my ass got booted from the theater. Sorry, you all!! And, hey…I didn’t know he was a Democrat! My bad!!!”
What a miserable excuse for a human being, eh?
(All of my posts are now public. Any reader financial support will be considered pledges- support that’s greatly appreciated but not required to get to all of my work. I’ll leave it to my readers to determine if my work is worthy of their monetary support and at what level. To those who do offer their support, thank you. It means more than you know.)