This week in Stupid- Taylor Swift might save America from Kristi Noem's libido and hypocrisy
Or she might need Gov. Noem's help dismembering Travis Kelce when things inevitably go south...and Corey Lewandowski can help with burying the body.
You have to know you’ve got WAY too much on your hands when this is how you choose to achieve your 15 seconds minutes of fame.
A Canadian man who broke his own world record for the fastest time to eat 50 of the world’s hottest chilli pepper went on to eat 85 more.
On Tuesday, Guinness World Records announced that Mike Jack of Canada consumed 50 Carolina reapers, the world’s hottest pepper with 1.64m Scoville heat units, in 6 minutes and 49.2 seconds. For comparison, a jalapeño has between 2,500 and 8,000 SHUs.
Video posted online by Guinness World Records showed Jack donning a red bandana and gloves as he scarfed down the peppers in front of a blowing fan, at times closing his eyes tightly and breathing heavily. Onlookers could be heard cheering him on and yelling, “Go, Mike!”
Once Jack was done eating the 50 peppers – an average of one every eight seconds – he went on to eat 85 more.
In total, Jack consumed 135 Carolina reapers. The stunt helped propel him to second place on the League of Fire’s reaper challenger leaderboard, which tracks the highest number of Carolina reapers eaten in a single sitting.
Of course, the burning question (if you’ll pardon the pun) is “Why?” Or perhaps better yet, “Will this guy have a digestive tract when he’s 50?”
And it gets worse:
Jack is the holder of several other records, with one being the fastest time to drink a bottle of hot sauce at 8.56 seconds and the other being the fastest time to drink 1 litre (about a quarter gallon) of tomato sauce at 1 minute and 5.56 seconds.
Earlier this year, he also broke the world record for the longest habanero pepper kiss after both he and his wife ate a habanero pepper and kissed for 15 minutes and 6.5 seconds.
I hesitate to ask if there’s a record for oral sex, but….
Taylor Swift could be democracy’s last best hope
I suppose it’s one hellacious improvement over Marjorie Trailer Greene, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, or anyone from the House Freedumb Caucus being democracy’s last best hope. Still, it’s too bad she’s not having a torrid affair with Kirk Cousins.
Weighing in this week for the Faith, Family Values, and Hypocrisy Coalition, let’s give a warm Conservative welcome to South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem and noted asshole/thug Corey Lewandowski.
Don’t you love watching two unapologetic hypocrites get their Jesus on when the cameras roll? Especially when, soon after, they’ll be rolling together in the sheets of a five-star hotel someone else (probably the taxpayers of the Great State of South Dakota) is paying for.
I’m sure Lewandowski poses a stiff challenge for Gov. Noem, who knows how to keep things well-lubricated and minimize uncomfortable friction, eh?
Someone should probably remind Gov. Noem that screaming “OH GOD!!!” in a hotel room is no substitute for prayer and supplication.
Pro-Trump mayoral candidate bars reporter from event after embarrassing Speedo story: report
MAGA Republicans have a very short fuse regarding stories (about themselves or people close to them) they don’t like.
A controversial pro-Trump mayoral candidate for Franklin, Tennessee was caught trying to boot a reporter for a specific network out of her event, after that network had broken an embarrassing story about her husband, reported The Daily Beast on Friday.
"Jared Sullivan, an observer at Wednesday’s event in Franklin, Tennessee, reportedly recorded Hanson telling a staffer, “No Channel 5. They have to leave.” Meanwhile, just outside the forum, video showed a group of apparent Hanson supporters standing shoulder-to-shoulder to block reporters from entering the event — with one woman even taking a swipe at a journalist as he tried to squeeze by," reported Josh Fiallo. "While Hanson hasn’t revealed why she wanted Channel 5 out of the room, it’s possibly related to the station’s reporting this week that revealed Hanson’s husband once rocked American flag Speedos — and nothing else, save for a gold chain, glasses, and shoes — to a Pride event in Chicago."
This comes in spite of the fact that Hanson has built her campaign on her opposition to a Pride event in the city as harmful to children, Fiallo noted, which "earned her street cred among the city’s conservative base" and got her "an endorsement from the city’s Moms For Liberty chapter, a right-wing advocacy organization that’s been labeled an 'extremist group' by the Southern Poverty Law Center."
Aw…so someone got busted for being a right-wing hypocrite, and since she can’t control the story, she’ll exclude the reporters who broke it.
Pretty classy for a MAGA asshole, no?
Uh…no.
The Biden Impeachment Hearings
You want seven hours of your life that you’ll never get back? Seven hours of mind-numbing conspiracy theorizing utterly free of the ONE thing Republicans need to impeach Joe Biden?
You know…evidence?
If you can sit through this mind-numbing shit, you need to get yourself a life.
Do you remember when President Joe Biden went to Detroit to stand on the picket line with striking auto workers? Well, it turns out the President DID do that.
And you may have heard that The Former Guy (TFG) went to Detroit to address striking auto workers.
Well….
unfortunately, only half of what you heard was true — the “Joe Biden stood on a picket line” part — and the photo was complete bullshit.
first off, Trump did not speak to striking workers. he spoke to non-union workers who were very much on the job.
secondly, see that person holding an “auto worker for Trump” sign? not an auto worker — and the person holding the “union members for Trump” sign? not a union member. they were Trump-hired stooges.
but because our lazy corporate-controlled media merely functions as stenographers, they dutifully printed the lies that Team Trump told them. it took more than a day for the truth to come out — in the foreign press — but by then, the damage was done. in the minds of the public at large, both Biden and Trump spoke to striking workers.
another ace job, media. pat yourselves on the back.
Of course, it was the same media, in this case, the Washington Post's Kathleen Parker, who gave us this beauty in 2016:
WTactualF? America is greasing its slide into authoritarianism, and the mainstream media is too lazy to do its ONE JOB- holding politicians accountable to the people. How unimaginably pathetic is that?
Anti-Choice Attorneys Want Thousands Of Abortion Providers And Donors' Personal Information
Wow…this doesn’t have the potential for the state of Texas to invade the personal privacy of thousands of women. Not all, eh?
Anti-abortion activists are demanding that several Texas abortion funds reveal information about every abortion the organizations have “assisted or facilitated in any way” since the state enacted its infamous six-week ban on the procedure in 2021.
The petition for personal information on thousands of people ― including physicians, medical support staff, abortion fund workers and donors ― came as part of a discovery request earlier this month in an ongoing lawsuit over Texas’ abortion bans. Jonathan Mitchell, the former Texas solicitor general who is credited with creating the state’s six-week abortion ban, served the requests to nine Texas abortion funds and one OB-GYN in the Fund Texas Choice v. Paxton case.
The terrifyingly thorough discovery request could put the privacy of thousands of Texas women at risk. And if that happens, there’s no telling what some radical anti-choice groups might be willing to do with such information:
Women should no longer entertain the silly theory that their bodies or reproductive functions are anything but the property of the State.
Man hailed by Trump admin as a victim charged with dismembering his girlfriend: report
In the man’s defense, he believed the woman was a b***h, so he thought she had it coming. Besides, how could the Trumpers know the guy had a thing for Japanese steel?
Could it be that Jesse Watters IS as stupid as he pretends to be?
What if being stupid is no act??
Pentagon Official Accused Of Dogfighting Ring Executed Losethat'sh Jumper Cables
I suspect many things could be said about Frederick Douglass Moorefield, Jr. Unfortunately for Mr. Moorefield, “kind” and “compassionate” probably wouldn’t make the list.
A communications official in the Defense Department was arrested for allegedly running a dogfighting operation in which he electrocuted the losing dogs that he trained, The Washington Post reported Monday.
Frederick Douglass Moorefield Jr., 62, of Arnold, Maryland, trained the dogs, fielded bets on the matches and used jumper cables found at his home to allegedly execute the animals that didn’t die in the ring, according to court records cited by the newspaper.
I will freely admit to having a soft spot for dogs, who want nothing more than to have their love returned by humans. Dogs must be trained to be aggressive and violent- even pit bulls aren’t born dangerous. Humans make them that way.
If I had any say in this matter, and Mr. Moorefield should be thankful I don’t- his punishment would be precisely what he’s done to his dogs. Hook the jumper cables from a semi-trailer to his testicles…and have the driver stomp on the accelerator. That should take care of the problem.
It seems like the last time TFG did this, many truly, deeply stupid people went to prison on his behalf. Now, he’s trying it again…and it might just work.
Earlier this week, we brought you the story of Carl Kemppainen, the O’Reilly Auto Parts employee who will be spending somewhere in between nine and 41 years in prison for having strangled a suspected shoplifter to death in the parking lot.
Now, we can’t know if Donald Trump heard about that one or not, but at a campaign stop in California, after telling the wealthy Republicans there that they all smell bad because of the water situation in the state, the former guy started going off about his plan to stop people “pillaging” stores.
Surprise, it involves murdering people in cold blood!
“We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store,” he told the cheering dimwits. “Shot!”
“The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place,” Trump added. “There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country.”
It’s like he just can’t help himself. I’m starting to think he actually kind of likes the idea of people loving him so much that they are willing to commit crimes and go to prison for him. It feeds his ego. It’s not the first time he’s done it — he’s encouraged his people to beat up protesters at his rallies and, you know, he also encouraged them to invade Congress in order to try to keep his Vice President from certifying the election. As of last month, over 1100 people had been charged in relation to January 6 and 662 had pleaded guilty.
I don’t know which is worse- people like Carl Kemppainen…or that TFG may be trying to stir up violence on his behalf yet again. Of course, TFG would never lift a finger to advance his cause; that’s why he has stupid people supporting him. And many of these folk are capable, and perhaps still willing, to engage in deadly violence on TFG’s behalf.
Hey, it beats thinking critically, no?
Matt Gaetz' fools the dumbest people' among GOP voters: conservative activist
And the problem, of course, is that there are SO many of them.
Kari Lake Thinks Life Under Dictator Roseanne Barr' Might Be Fun’
If you once thought these women were intelligent and had something useful and unique to offer the world…well, you can disabuse yourself of that notion. They’re both morons who are WAY too convinced of their self-ascribed (and non-existent) brilliance.
Yes, Trump Made All Those Awful Remarks About Veterans, John Kelly Says
As if you needed confirmation that The Former Guy is one of the (if not THE) worst human beings of all time, we have confirmation of his remarks about wounded veterans. This is from a Gold Star asshole who said his personal Vietnam was STDs.
John Kelly, who served as former President Donald Trump’s chief of staff, unleashed a blistering attack against his former boss on Monday, confirming on the record that many of Trump’s critical remarks about veterans and injured service members were true.
“What can I add that has not already been said?” Kelly told CNN in an exclusive statement. “A person that thinks those who defend their country in uniform, or are shot down or seriously wounded in combat, or spend years being tortured as POWs are all ‘suckers’ because ‘there is nothing in it for them.’ A person that did not want to be seen in the presence of military amputees because ‘It doesn’t look good for me.’
“A person who demonstrated open contempt for a Gold Star family ― for all Gold Star families ― on TV during the 2016 campaign and rants that our most precious heroes who gave their lives in America’s defense are ‘losers’ and wouldn’t visit their graves in France.”
Kelly — a retired U.S. Marine Corps general and former secretary of the Department of Homeland Security — was Trump’s longest-serving chief of staff. His comments confirm a multitude of reports about Trump’s statements on service members, veterans and prisoners of war, both in and out of the White House. The former president drew fierce criticism when he expressed his dislike for the late Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), a prisoner of war in Vietnam, saying he liked “people that weren’t captured.”
Can we all agree that The Former Guy deserves a place in Hell that involves him being hit by an Iraqi IED in an unarmored vehicle and losing multiple limbs, after which Americans laugh at and ridicule him?
I think that would be a fitting karmic denouement.
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