This Week In Stupid- The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Forbidden Truth, "milktoast," and being too nice to the little "LBGTQSers"

(Courtesy David Flanders)

Welcome to this week’s episode of “This Week in Stupid,” when we discuss things so monumentally stupid, they’ve almost become normalized. Sadly, it’s what America has devolved into, and if Ron DeSantis becomes President, what’s happened in Floriduh is what we can count on seeing in all 50 states.

Yay, stupid!! It’s as if Idiocracy wasn’t just a movie, but a predictive and very prescient documentary of where America was heading.

There’s a f*****g moron born every minute…and they invariably end up being supporters of The Former Guy. We’ve become used to the idea that supporters of The Former Guy aren’t the sharpest tools in the box. They believe things that aren’t true because…well, because that’s what they think. And it makes for some pretty comical moments.

The latest scam at their expense is “Trump Bucks,” which demonstrates how truly, phenomenally dense some folks are.

Supporters of former President Donald Trump are reportedly being scammed out of thousands of dollars through the sale of commemorative "Trump Bucks" that fraudsters say can be exchanged for real cash.

Several companies are allegedly using advertising tactics including creating AI-generated videos of Trump and other figures like Elon Musk to claim the worthless "Trump Bucks" will make them rich, according to a new report from NBC News.

Some of the people who bought the Trump memorabilia have attempted to exchange it for real US dollars at banks, and told NBC News that bank employees are reporting it as a growing issue. Several companies have been identified for marketing and selling the false currency, NBC News reported, including a number of businesses seemingly based in Colorado with names like Patriots Dynasty, Patriots Future, and USA Patriots.

Yes, that’s right; people are buying “Trump Bucks” and then attempting to spend them as if they’re legal tender.

Worse, they’re incensed when told that their “Trump Bucks” are worthless. Go figure.

“President Trump wants you to finally open your eyes and believe in his power for a better tomorrow!” screams a banner on a site advertising a “TRB Black Card,” one of the myriad scams attempting to separate Trumpsters from their money.

Yeah…there’s a challenge. These folks represent P.T. Barnum’s wet dreams.

Of course, anyone with any knowledge of our financial system knows that any representation of value with The Former Guy’s visage isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. But, then again, if you’ll believe he’s the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, you’ll believe anything, right?

If you’re going to call someone “milquetoast,” you should at least spell the insult correctly. Kayleigh McEnany was Press Secretary for The Former Guy when he was (allegedly) Presidenting back in the day. You remember her, right? She was the one who, during her first press briefing, said, “I’ll never lie to you,” which was itself a lie because everything that came after was a veritable vomitorium of lies.

And that was just her first press briefing. What came after was a barely camouflaged compendium of mendacity and prevarication.

She stood by The Former Guy before, during, and after the shitshow that was January 6. And how does he choose to repay that loyalty? The same way he repays the commitment of everyone who’s ever kissed his ring- by burning them to the ground.

I realize this will take my gentle reader by surprise, but The Former Guy is a Grade A, world-class, top-shelf, first-class, #1 asshat:

Why do people continue to support him? Why do they gravitate to him when they know they’ll eventually be tossed onto the fire like everyone else? Do they lack self-esteem? Or see something in The Former Guy that the rest of us miss?

Or, and here’s the most likely option, are they really that intellectually porous? As if we even need to answer that.

Finally, after years of proof that The Former Guy is genuinely loyal to nothing save for his own self-interest, there are STILL lackeys willing to stand up for him. This proves there’s a seemingly endless supply of people with zero self-esteem, a moral center, or the barest hint of native intelligence.

As the man said, there’s a f*****g moron born every minute.

Excuse me, do you know the way to the Forbidden Truth Academy? Once upon a time, in a land (not so very) far, far away, a man wearing horns and dead raccoon fur wandered the halls of Congress screaming like a banshee for no discernible reason. Unfortunately, that man, Jacob Chansley, who gained fame as the “QAnon Shaman,” had breached the US Capitol and the Senate Chamber along with others on January 6, 2021, in violation of numerous federal statutes.

Eventually, he was charged with, among other things, being a dumbass on federal property. He was sentenced to 41 months in prison by a federal judge dumb enough to believe his claims of remorse for his conduct.

Chansley, who isn’t renowned for being the most persuasive horn-wearing shaman in the federal justice system, somehow pulled one over on the poor naïf judge.

I suspect it was more likely that his remorse had to do with getting caught and realizing there were consequences that accompanied breaking into the Capitol building during a joint session of Congress.

But within hours of Chansley’s release from a half-way house in Phoenix last Thursday, he was once again spouting wild conspiracies in a video he posted to Twitter, in which he promised to fight “global corruption” and seek to find “the truth.”

It’s unclear what “truth” Chansley is looking for, but in the days since his release, it’s become very clear that even though he recanted his QAnon beliefs during his trial, he’s doubling down on them now, and trying to profit from his notoriety.

One of the first things Chansley did after being released was launch an extensive line of merchandise. Much of the new merch he’s selling uses his own image, alongside a new title—“America’s Shaman”—that’s an apparent attempt to expand his appeal beyond QAnon supporters.

So, it seems his time in the pokey was spent tweaking and refining his business plan, and now that he’s once again a free man, he’s gone back into the freak-show business.

Hey, a man’s gotta eat.

But there are obvious nods to his QAnon beliefs, including a t-shirt emblazoned with “Qbacca” and a framed ripoff of the “Goodfellas” poster that features an image of Chansley flanked by Former President Donald Trump and disgraced former national security advisor Michael Flynn. Underneath, the film’s title has been changed to “Qultfellas.”   

The array of merchandise is impressively large, and includes stickers, buttons, mousepads, copies of Chansley’s mugshot, yoga mats, yoga leggings, t-shirts, baseball socks (currently sold out), hoodies, and mugs. Most of the items have Chansley’s face printed on them, including the “Shaman Heart” skater dress, which features his face not once, but twice. 

And there’s also Chansley’s “Forbidden Truth Academy,” a project which

seeks to improve the lives of its members and transform the world through education and mentorship, offering services to increase IQ, expand consciousness, and enhance personal evolution.

Not bad for a confirmed and utterly shameless bullshit merchant, eh? Chansley’s “Forbidden Truth Academy” offers courses like “Interdimensional Insights,” “Intentionally Cross-planar Sexual Satisfaction,” and “The Truth About Climate Change.”

OK, so they’re all complete bullshit, but only two of those are real Chansley-offered courses. Your challenge is to determine which one I made up. Good luck with that.

This one is real, though: For $500, one searching for more “forbidden truth” can have a one-on-one with Chansley. There’s no mention if that encounter is sans-culottes or not.

A fool and his money are soon parted. In this case, by Jacob Chansley.

Good Lord, but people on the Far Right are f*****g maroons.

Mama, why is “MAGA Christian” an oxymoron? You may or may not have previously heard of Shane Vaughn, a MAGA pastor from East Bumfuk, MS. If not; you’re probably better off for it. Vaughn is a serious, consequential, and honest Christian like I’m a Nobel Physics laureate. His God is an angry, mean-spirited son-of-a-bitch who’d sooner smite a believer than embrace them.

Vaughn is as much about the Gospel of Jesus Christ as PeeWee Herman is about zipper discipline in public places. I suspect the dust collected on Vaughn’s long-unopened Bible has probably long since aggravated his asthma and generally piss-poor disposition. For a “Christian pastor,” the man is a 24-karat, world class, Grade-A, top-shelf, USDA Prime flaming asshole.

Oh…and he HATES gays; so much for the Christian love and charity y’all might’ve thought was a job requirement. After all, his God is an angry, mean-spirited son-of-a-bitch who loves The Former Guy and hates the LGBTQ community with a fiery passion that knows no bounds.

Have we ever met Mississippi MAGA idiot pastor Shane Vaughn? He kind of sounds like smoky-voiced gay actor Harvey Fierstein doing an impression of Mississippi MAGA idiot pastor Shane Vaughn, but trust us, he is just Shane Vaughn.

Oh we have encountered him once! He had a VERY VERY reaction to Facebook banning Donald Trump, just pretty sure it was just like that time Satan killed Jesus. VERY VERY. He's a very dramatic boy.

When Cassidy Hutchinson testified for the House January 6 Select Committee, hoo boy, Shane Vaughn had a little eruption! "You're sitting there lying through your teeth because you are a witch!" he said. “You are a rebellious Jezebel with your little lezzie spirit!” Hutchinson had testified about that whole incident where Trump tried to drive the limo from the back seat on January 6, and how he used to throw ketchup at walls.

And now he is having a VERY VERY reaction to Target being too nice to LGBTQ+ people. But don't worry, he says Target is going to cave to the conservative Christians, and you know why? Because Shane Vaughn is an expert on the LGBTQ+ people, and he understands some things about them.

And not only does he understand things about the LGBTQ community, but he’s also here to share that insight with us.

"Can I explain somethin', in case y'all don't know this?" he began. Pay attention, Target.

“The little LBGTQSers and who all they are don’t have jobs."

"You understand, right? They smoke weed from the time they get up ’til the time they go to bed in their mother’s basement.”

Frankly, I wonder if someone else hasn’t been smoking weed in his mother’s basement.

"That's your little rainbow people. The little rainbow people, they don't go to jobs, because they cain't mind bosses!"

"So now Target knows that the LGBQTIFC and O, those people have to shoplift, because they don't have money."

"You know, they just live kum-ba-ya, they think boys are girls, girls are boys, they think money falls on trees."

"So Target hates YOU, because they know YOU'VE got the power. You middle-aged conservative Christians, you got this. [He does a money gesture with the hand he talks with a lot.] Yeah they know it and they hate you because they have to bow down to you!"

So I’ll confess to being an unapologetic supporter of the LGBTQ community and thus not the most objective observer, but Vaughn seems just a wee bit judgy, knowhutimean? And more than a bit self-superior. I don’t think he knows the first thing about the LGBTQ community. I also think he’s making some overly broad assumptions, probably because he knows his audience isn’t any better informed than he is.

I wonder if he even knows any people who are LGBTQ or if he’s drawing conclusions from his heavily siloed life in his mother’s basement in East Bumfuk, MS.

It doesn’t take a Ph.D. to understand that Shane Vaughn is the theological equivalent of a circus clown- poorly informed, self-superior, arrogant, and tripping over his dick all day long.

We guess all of Target's moves to this point have been rebellion against the truth they just can't handle. Certainly not market research.

Unless Shane Vaughn's sermon is projection coming from a place of deep insecurity, emptiness and fear that actually conservative Christians have very little to offer American society as a cohort, and other people's money is indeed more valuable.

Also, Shane Vaughn, from what we can tell, is based in Waveland, Mississippi, which is just down the road from New Orleans. We are just curious, when and if Shane Vaughn visits the big city of New Orleans, and he's riding down St. Charles Avenue or Esplanade; or other nearby cities like Birmingham or Atlanta or Memphis or fuck, even just Natchez or Hattiesburg; when he sees those big, beautiful historic homes along tree-lined boulevards, one after the other, does this small time loser country pastor ever say to himself, "Oh boy, I wonder who lives in those elegant mansions?"

Gays, you fuckin' idiot, gays. Not each and every house, of course, and certainly not each and every LGBTQ+ person is in that economic strata. (The actual economic data on LGBTQ+ people is complex, for anyone who is interested.)

But yeah, still. Gays live in those houses….

In summary and in conclusion, here is Shane Vaughn's Instagram, if you wanna make fun of him behind his back. What a hilarious fucking idiot.

Sadly, referring to Vaughn as an idiot would be a grievous insult to idiots. The man makes Homer Simpson looks like a Harvard magna cum loudly graduate. And that doesn’t even begin to address his ridiculous, heretical theology, which seems to hold that The Former Guy is a demigod sent to bring peace and order to Mankind.

Or something like that.

This represents a considerable problem. You can’t serve The Former Guy and Jesus Christ because their values are diametrically opposed and have nothing in common.

One group is about greed, self-interest, and corrupt, demonic authoritarianism.

The other is all about peaceful co-existence, love, tolerance, understanding, and acceptance.

There is nothing that connects them except their views of Jesus Christ. One group is honestly and lovingly following His teachings; the other is about using Him to bludgeon those they can’t persuade into mute subservience.

Shane Vaughn is no more a man of God- or even a godly man- than The Former Guy, Josef Stalin, or Adolf Hitler. His particular form of evil lies in being stupid enough to believe that The Former Guy is everything he isn’t…and being able to monetize it somehow.

Don’tcha just LOVE America?? Don’tcha wish everyone did??