This Week In Stupid- "We're Going To Start Slitting Throats On Day One"
We humbly offer our nominees for the Dunning-Kruger Hall of...um, Fame??
(And because I give and give and give some more, here’s a treat for you on an otherwise uneventful Wednesday morning. You’re welcome.)
Smart people have the brains, but stupid people have the balls
Ana
Unindicted Co-Conspirator John Eastman is Unrepentant, Still Promoting Debunked Election Claims:
Among the great mysteries of our time, there’s one I simply can’t make sense of: How did John Eastman manage to get a law degree…or any degree for that matter? The man has the common sense and the ethics of a 12-year-old reform school reject.
Despite almost three years of evidence, history, and common sense, Eastman is STILL pushing the BIG LIE about the 2020 Presidential election. The question I want to be answered is why? What is it about the oleaginous, twice-impeached, thrice-indicted Former Guy that makes him so worthy of Eastman’s loyalty? Does he think it will ever be repaid? Surely he’s not THAT stupid…or is he?
It looks as if John Eastman is the latest nominee for the Dunning-Kruger Hall of Shame. Nice work, eh?
Does Trump Want To Live In Jail Until His Trial?:
It has been said, by many people of considerable intellectual capacity, that The Former Guy is an incredibly, deeply, massively, astonishingly, unbelievably stupid person, the most foolish to ever to defile the Oval Office.
Arrogant beyond belief and the poster child of all poster children for the Dunning-Kruger Effect, The Former Guy honestly believes himself to be surpassingly brilliant. And yes, it was challenging to write that last sentence whilst suppressing my gag reflex.
After being instructed by the judge in his January 6th trial to stay away from public pronouncements that might be construed as witness tampering, Donny Diaperful just couldn’t help himself- “Come after me, and I’ll come after you.”
Now we all get to wonder how long he’ll stay out of jail BEFORE his trial. What a f*****g maroon….
Rep. Michael Cloud Says Christians Are Called to Establish God’s Government on Earth:
Ah, yes…and welcome to another episode of “The American Taliban Abuses Truth and Context to Advance Their Political/Religious Agenda,” which is pretty much another Wednesday on the GOP calendar, knowhutimean?
In this case, it’s Rep. Michael Cloud (R-TX)- (“Proudly Serving Texas’ 27th District!”), who, despite having taken the Oath of Office, appears not to have bothered reading OR studied the Constitution.
Yeah…something about the separation of Church and State….
The religious-right organization Christians Engaged will be holding a conference in Texas in November, at which various right-wing activists, as well as state and federal legislators, will be speaking, including Republican Rep. Michael Cloud. In anticipation of the upcoming event, Christians Engaged founder Bunni Pounds used her podcast today to play the remarks that Cloud delivered at the organization’s 2022 conference.
Predictably, Cloud’s remarks were steeped in Christian nationalist mythology, beginning with his misrepresentation of remarks contained in a letter that John Adams sent to Thomas Jefferson in 1815.
“Let me read part of that letter to you,” Cloud began. “[John Adams said], ‘The question before the human race is this, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it. In other words, whether authority is originally in the people, or whether it has descended through time through a succession of rulers.’ And then they kind of came to this conclusion, he says, ‘Or has it been brought down from Heaven by the Holy Ghost?'”
“These are the people who wrote the documents,” Cloud declared. “[And critics are] trying to tell us there’s no Christian influence in America.”
Not only did Cloud ignore the context of Adams’ letter, but he fundamentally misrepresented and misquoted what Adams wrote.
I know; I was shocked as well. A Republican Congresscritter ignoring the context of a historical document so he could twist it to fit his religious agenda? Wow, has that ever happened before?
Well, yes, it turns out it HAS happened a time or 3,412 ago, but I’ll leave that for another time.
Adams was responding to an earlier letter from Jefferson in which Jefferson discussed the Napoleonic Wars that had roiled Europe for years and Napoleon’s short-lived return to power. Adams replied by insisting that political power belongs to the people and mocked the idea that it can be bestowed upon rulers (like Napoleon or European monarchs) by “Popes and Bishops or via “fictitious Miracles.”
Adams was coming down firmly on the side of secular governance, and if Rep. Cloud hadn’t been so dense, he might’ve realized that.
The question before the human race is, Whether the God of nature Shall govern the World by his own laws, or Whether Priests and Kings shall rule it by fictitious Miracles? Or, in other Words, whether Authority is originally in the People? or whether it has descended for 1800 years in a succession of Popes and Bishops, or brought down from Heaven by the holy Ghost in the form of a Dove, in a Phyal of holy Oil?
Adams was mocking the notion, put forward by Rep. Cloud, that political power “has been brought down from Heaven by the Holy Ghost.” Unlike what may be believed by many American Taliban Republicans, God isn’t one of them. Nor, I suspect does their God care much for their flavor of government, self-interested as it may be.
Furthermore, Cloud’s claim is a straw man; historians and others who dispute the dishonest Christian nationalism promoted by people like Cloud do not claim that there was no Christian influence during the colonial era, rather they note that the authors of the U.S. Constitution had every opportunity to create a Christian government if they wanted to, but instead chose to prohibit the establishment of an official religion and ban religious tests for public office.
C’mon, y’all; repeat after me: YOUR GOD DOESN’T GET TO BE OUR GOVERNMENT. Capice? I don’t know how much simpler we can make it. You’re free to worship whatever flavor of imaginary sky friend allows you to feel like you rule the world, BUT you don’t get to impose that fantasy on the rest of us.
Good night. Game over. Drive home safely.
The DeSantis Method
“THEY HATE HIM LIKE POISON PRIVATELY”
There are two things you should count on never plan on hearing employed in the same sentence: “Ron DeSantis” and “leadership.” As the Floriduh Governor runs for President, the state he’s expected to lead is turning into a veritable shit hole.
Now there’s some exemplary leadership, eh?
Justice Samuel Alito Insists Congress Has No Power To ‘Regulate’ Supreme Court:
Let it never be said that Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito doesn’t have a sweet gig…one he doesn’t want ANYONE messing with.
He especially doesn’t want Congress messing with the little Kingdom he’s created for himself. He’s now arguing that he’s above the law and that Congress lacks the power to regulate the Supreme Court.
DUH…that’s why it’s called “Supreme.”
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, who has been at the center of a number of ethics controversies at the court recently, told the Wall Street Journal lawmakers need to give up on the idea of imposing new rules on the justices.
“No provision in the Constitution gives them the authority to regulate the Supreme Court — period,” he told a pair of interviewers for the business paper’s Opinion section.
That a maniacal cackle followed his statement was purely coincidental, at least according to his clerks and fluffers.
Retired Judge Predicts What’s Next For ‘Chatty Charlie’ Trump:
What happens when you have the right to remain silent…but you lack the ability to do so? Well, you get The Former Guy, who has to be a lawyer’s nightmare client. Why any self-respecting attorney would represent the twice-impeached, four-times-indicted, pussy-grabbing, ketchup-throwing, tantrum-throwing, borderline-illiterate, world-class narcissist defies rational understanding.
So what happens when he finally and inevitably pushes a judge too far?
A gag order is coming for former President Donald Trump in his election conspiracy case, a retired judge predicted on Monday.
“I absolutely can see it coming because this man cannot shut up,” former California Superior Court Judge LaDoris Hazzard Cordell told CNN’s Kaitlan Collins.
“You know, he’s a ‘chatty Charlie’ and he’s going to just talk and talk, and he really doesn’t care about rules that say you can speak or cannot speak,” Cordell added.
Trump’s inflammatory rhetoric following his indictment last week — including his social media warning that “If you go after me, I’m coming after you” ― warranted a mutual order preventing both sides from talking about certain elements of the case outside of the courtroom.
But Trump, the Republican 2024 front-runner, would more than likely “violate it in a heartbeat and then we’ll see what the judge does in terms of consequences for violating yet another court order,” Cordell said.
This is is all you could expect when you have a client who believes himself above the law. He’s running for President, so the laws of mere mortals don’t apply to him…right? After all, he could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue in New York and not be held accountable…at least in his own fevered, over-cooked imagination.
Even IF he’s convicted, he’ll keep paying his attorneys to keep him out of jail forever and ever. The Former Guy believes he’ll never see the inside of a jail cell…and he may be right.
Still, a boy can dream, no??
Billion-Dollar 'Barbie' Makes Baby Shapiro Feel Less Than 'Benough':
What do you get the guy who’s consistently wrong about everything? Well, tickets to the Barbie movie might be a great way to pour salt in Ben Shapiro’s wounds because he’s already feeling pretty emasculated about the whole thing.
Why, you ask? It’s just a movie. Sure, it uses “patriarchy” a dozen or so times, which sets Shapiro’s blood to boiling. Then he set himself up to be ridiculed by Brian Taylor Cohen, a Liberal pundit who actually DOES know what he’s talking about. Then he misremembered a quote by H.L. Mencken, which only served to make him look like a dork…which is pretty much what he is.
Yeah, it’s been a rough couple of weeks for our boy Ben. That’s not going to stop me from laughing at him, though.
A woman-led blockbuster with no Death Stars, wizards, or (Marvel) superheroes, Barbie is also the highest-grossing comedy of all time[.]… Greta Gerwig is the first solo woman director to reach this milestone. She’s also one of just 29 directors in total to do so.
Yes, Barbie is a sensation, despite a scathing review from professional idiot Ben Shapiro, who dismissed the film as “one of the most woke movies I have ever seen” in a 43-minute YouTube tract. However, audiences don’t mind Barbie’s overtly feminist message. We dare say that Gerwig’s uncompromising vision is a key factor in the movie’s runaway success.
Shapiro, a failed screenwriter who’s still sore that he didn’t get a job on “The Good Wife,” is perfectly free to waste his time and money hate-watching Barbie, setting fire to Barbie dolls like a deranged person, and otherwise shouting at the rain.
Indeed, I can’t be the only one laughing uproariously at Shapiro for setting fire to Barbie dolls (the man has some serious anger management issues) AND recording a 43-minute YouTube screed against the Barbie movie. Is Greta Gerwig living rent-free in Ben Shapiro’s head, or what??
And it gets better…or worse, depending on your perspective.
Of course, Shapiro is incapable of humility or grace. When podcaster Brian Tyler Cohen rubbed his own words in his stupid face, Shapiro responded, “Totally true. I radically overestimated the taste of the American public. Guilty.”
He continued (because he always does), “Serves me right for forgetting my Mencken: ‘No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.’”
Shapiro is chronologically 39 but emotionally, he’s that obnoxious college freshman in your dorm who thinks he’s clever because he name-drops H.L. Mencken.
I’m a Mencken fan mostly because he rather sardonically nailed the American id in the early 20th century…and who knows, perhaps he may have had slef-superior idjits like Ben Shapiro in mind:
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
And who might Mencken have been referring to? You’re going to have to figure that one out for yourself. As for Shapiro boogering up a Mencken quote, here’s what the man said in a 1926 column:
No one in this world, so far as I know—and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me—has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby. The mistake that is made always runs the other way. Because the plain people are able to speak and understand, and even, in many cases, to read and write, it is assumed that they have ideas in their heads, and an appetite for more. This assumption is a folly.
Mencken was specifically attacking the rise of tabloid newspapers, what today would be akin to Fox News Channel, Newsmax, One America News, Breitbart, and other denizens of the Far-Right Echo Chamber. Ben Shapiro thinks they’re actual sources of unbiased news.
And now a movie is making him feel like less of a man. Damn…someone needs to lighten up.
Arizona Woman Accused Of Pouring Bleach Into Air Force Husband’s Coffee For Months:
Here’s a pro tip for all y’all who are planning on divorcing your spouse and thinking it might be a good time to dispatch them to the Great Beyond for the insurance money. Whatever your plan might be, don’t drag it out. Time is not your friend. The longer your plan takes to play out, the greater the likelihood you’ll get caught.
That was Melody Johnson’s downfall. Her “bleach in hubby’s coffee” plan took too long and was just a wee bit too obvious. Next time try a fast-acting poison.
You can thank me later.
Ahead of possible indictment, Trump tries to smear another prosecutor:
It’s truly difficult to describe, much less understand, how truly, deeply stupid The Former Guy has been over the past few weeks. He may have the right the remain silent, but he most definitely lacks the ability. Between his smearing of prosecutors and attempted intimidation tactics, his overt racism and misogyny aren’t doing him any favors.
No, there’s no evidence- zero, zip, none, nada- that shows Fani Willis had an affair with a gang member or that she’s a racist prejudiced against White people. But why let the truth get in the way of a good smear, eh?
The question is how long will The Former Guy be allowed to get away with his schtick before he gets thrown in jail for defying orders to refrain from attempting to intimidate witnesses.
OMG, what a f*****g maroon….
When I grow up, I think I want to become a prophet. What other job allows you to completely screw the pooch, get predictions completely wrong, and STILL clean up your mess and claim to be a success?
For a borderline f**k-up like me, being a prophet sounds perfect. I never have to worry about getting things right, I can be as outrageous and “out there” as I wanna be, and when I’m wrong (as I inevitably will be)…well, OOPS!! My bad!!
It’s like having a career with a series of built-in mulligans. No matter how badly you f**k up, you get a guaranteed do-over. Just like Hank Kunneman, my new hero!
Right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman has been one of the most obstinate of the self-proclaimed “prophets” who repeatedly guaranteed that former President Donald Trump would win reelection in 2020. In the years that President Joe Biden has been in office, Kunneman has petulantly refused to apologize for his false prophecies or even admit that Biden is president, instead promising that God will reward those who stand with him while attacking those who have dared to criticize him.
In the wake of the various false prophecies issued before the 2020 election, a group of pastors, scholars, and theologians issued a set of “prophetic standards” that asked those who had issued such prophecies to “be willing to take full responsibility [by] demonstrating genuine contrition before God and people.”
Predictably, Kunneman has steadfastly refused to do so, insisting over and over that he is a legitimate prophet and that his prophecies regarding the election were correct and accurate.
False prophecies? “Prophetic standards?” Pffft…those are for losers and Liberals, not REAL Christian prophets like Kunneman. Even though he was wrong on all counts regarding the 2020 Presidential election, ALL of his prophecies were “correct” and “accurate.”
Wrap your head around that one, eh??
Of course, his definition of “correct” and “accurate” might be a wee bit different than yours or mine, but I’m an atheist; what the Hell do I know?
Then again, it’s entirely possible Kunneman has been off his meds for a few years.
….Kunneman held a midweek service that was dedicated almost entirely to touting his prophetic credentials and asserting that Jesus had told him not to apologize for his false election prophecies.
After once again promoting the Big Lie that the 2020 election had been stolen from Trump, Kunneman declared that he had no obligation to respond to those outside his ministry who criticize his false prophecies because those who serve on his church board and as staff members, as well as his spiritual advisers and peers, have all vouched for his accuracy as a prophet.
“It’s not about pride,” Kunneman said of his refusal to apologize. “It’s about an honor to God. Either he spoke it, or he didn’t.”
I’m going to give Kunneman a pass on this one, because he’s provided me with a plethora of comedy relief over the years. Sure, he’s a prophet in the same way I’m a Hindu holy man, but does any reasonable person actually believe the man when he predicts something? Hell, no.
He could predict that the sun would come up in the east, and I’d be looking to the west coast for the sunrise. Yeah, he sucks that much at being a prophet. But, if his ministry is willing to keep him around, they deserve him. I’d recommend not looking to Kunneman for betting tips, though.
Despite what he man tell you, the Oakland A’s aren’t going to win the World Series.
….
That’s it for this week’s dive into the world of Stoopid. Tune in next week when Ron DeSantis learns that being an XL asshole means needing an XL buttplug. I’ll explaing next week. Or perhaps not.
Stay classy….