This week in "Wait...WTF????"
Whereupon we delve into the truly and profoundly stupid who (barely in some cases) walk among us
Saturday-
One of the things I learned after living in Texas for 10+ years is that there are parts of west Texas (Lubbock, Amarillo, etc.) that are…well, detached from the known universe. It’s not easy to explain, so I’ll use an example.
The NFL combine, which took place in Indianapolis last week, isn’t known for being a meeting place of great minds, but when the interview portion of the combine happens, comedy can and often does ensure. F’rinstance, take Texas Tech defensive back Tyler Owens, who dreams of playing in the NFL. I’m not sure what he learned during his time in Lubbock, but it doesn’t seem he graced a lot of classrooms with his presence.
[Owens] spoke to the media yesterday and — who knows why? — decided to come out and proud as someone who doesn’t believe in space or “other planets.” Including the ones we can see from this planet.
"I don't believe in space," Owens said in a video posted to Twitter by Bleacher Report's Brent Sobleski. "I'm real religious, so I think we're alone right now. I don't think there's other planets and other stuff like that."
What Bible verse is that in? Tiffany 3:16?
Something like that….
Sunday-
Look, I get America is a divided nation- Red v. Blue, Republican v. Democrat, however you want to slice and dice it, there’s a gulf about a mile wide that’s not getting narrower any time soon. And part of the reason is stupid marketing like this.
“Soap for Men, Not Snowflakes?” Seriously?? What sort of brain-dead buttmunch think this is a brilliant idea? It’s SOAP, not a political statement. You used it to wash your balls, not declare who you’ll be voting for in November.
How is a “Red State Company” superior to a “California Company?” As for the rest of it, the ad says nothing about the quality of effectiveness of the product. It only suggest that it’s morally and ideological superior…but, again, we’re talking about soap, not a loyalty oath. I’m going to use the product I believe to smell best and that will leave me smelling the best. If the “Unapologetic values” bar smells like ass, I’m not going to use it.
This is bullshit marketing. Why does everything have to be about politics anymore?
Monday-
OK, kids, I’m only going to say this once, so pay attention, ‘kay? I don’t care what your particular issue happens to be. If you’ve EVER violently threatened your significant other because she put “too much cheese” on your grilled cheese sandwich, you’re a sociopath. You have no credibility whatsoever and should never be trusted with children or other living things
That is all. Jesus, I can’t even believe that needs to be said….
Tuesday-
Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (I-AZ) fooled Arizona into believing she was a Far-Left Progressive. Then, when she got to Washington, she became a Swamp Creature (and a walking test pattern), cozied up to Republicans, and stymied President Joe Biden at practically every opportunity. Now she probably couldn’t win a race for Pima County Dog Catcher.
Yeah, karma’s a bitch. Good riddance.
And then there’s this….
One of the things we know about Donald Trump is how much “the Blacks” love him. We know this, of course, because he never shuts up about it. Maybe it’s his gang tattoos. Or his rap albums. Or his stellar NBA career. I suppose it could be those spray-painted gold hightops he’s selling for $400
Or perhaps it’s the fact that his fanboys are trying to cover up for his virulent racism by using artificial intelligence to cover for his natural stupidity make him appear to be the darling of young black people. Yep, the President whose four years in office were characterized by, among other things, trying to keep the poors and Blacks…well, poor and Black…is now beloved by “the Blacks.”
They get Trump! They understand persecution by “The Man,” because they see the 91 felony charges against him and they see someone who’s been knocked down and pushed around…just like them!!!
Yeah, that’s not why this is messed up. Trump supporters make this and other fantastical photos of him to give themselves owns where no owns are to be found. They like the idea of Black voters ditching Biden for Trump after deciding that Trump is, in fact, very cool and hip. They like to imagine Democratic voters seeing these photos and shaking their fists at the sky and going “How can this be???!?”….
There’s also a strong belief among Trumpers that he has a chance to win with or at least do much better with younger Black men, based on the fact that young men in general have become increasingly misogynistic thanks to Trump himself and influencers/alleged human traffickers like Andrew Tate.
Still, if that were as true as they were hoping, no one would have to AI up any Black friends for Donald Trump, or any other friends for that matter.
Yeah, since when does Trump do “friends.” Since all of his relationships are transactional, having actual “friends” makes no sense for him. What can he get from having friends? What can they do for him?
I feel sorry for his new AI “friends.” Someone really needs to tell them that their new “friend” is only going to use them and then toss them aside when they’re no longer of value to him. Yeah, he’s an asshole and a sociopath.
And, if we’re not careful, he might just be President again.
Wednesday-
Right…because a good, God-fearing, White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexual would never fuck up so badly that it would mean a tire falling of on takeoff, yeah??
It’s ALWAYS the diversity hires.
This is what happens when intellectually bereft bozos like Lauren Witzke think they have something profound to add to the public discourse…and end up proving that they’re virulently racist lunatics with a double-digit IQ.
🎼 Were you born an asshole…or did you practice your whole life??
Thursday-
If you’d somehow managed to convince yourself that the behavior bar for the Congressional Republican Caucus couldn’t possibly be set any lower…well, you clearly haven’t been paying attention. Thursday’s State of the Union address was yet another opportunity for Republicans to embarrass themselves on national television. To say they didn’t disappoint- particularly Rep. Marjorie Trailer Greene (R-GA)- would be something of an understatment.
MTG, the chair of the House Trailer Trash Caucus, showed up (in violation of House rules) wearing a red MAGA hat and a provocative t-shirt. She heckled the President on at least one occasion and generally made an ass of herself…so, just another day in the House for MTG.
Yes, MTG is a real POS.
Friday-
I have to admire
and his measured, considered takes on Republicans and the way they respond to President Biden. Because, as he’s well aware, sometimes it’s as if Republicans write the jokes for him.It seems he has a special place in his heart for Sean Hannity…and really, who doesn’t?
“we saw a very different Joe Biden tonight, very angry, very jacked-up, you might say, maybe charitably ‘over-caffienated’ would be a way to put it.”….
no, Sean, you’re thinking of that other guy. it’s Former Fuck who won’t go out in public without first hoovering all the Adderall. it’s Donny who appointed not-an-admiral Ronny Jackson to be his personal drug connection, and who turned the White House into a pill-mill free-for-all.
Hannity continued:
“we saw, I felt, a president that was screaming, yelling, kinda ranting — a speech that was completely partisan, maybe for reasons that Joe … uh … I guess maybe just known to himself, I … I thought it was beyond bizarre at times and frankly a little frightening, because it’s so different at then the every jay … everyday Joe that we see and hear from.”
holy shit, Sean, that’s a pretty incoherent jumble of words right there. maybe you should be seeing if Ronny Jackson can hook you up.
and so Republicans now have a new talking point: goodbye Sleepy Joe — hello Jacked-Up Joe. and he’s so un-statesmanlike! so completely partisan!
yeah, not like that well-known avatar of comity who regularly calls Biden an ‘enemy of the state.’
Then there was the week’s piece de resistance:
Did you know that a Blue Whale’s anus can stretch up to 3.5 feet wide? That’s still nowhere close to being as big an asshole as Glenn Beck is. He just lacks the self-awareness to recognize it.
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How the hell is it even possible to put too much cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich ... ?
Sinema's "Bye, Felicia" moment is worth savoring, after six long years.
Tiffany 3:16 for the WIN! 🤣