Time For Another Trip Around The Sun

It's not the Really Big Deal it used to be, but it beats the alternative

Today’s my birthday. And, before anyone decides to get all bent out of shape over it, we should remember that I’ve had a few previously. I turn 62 today, so I’m not expecting presents from any of y’all (though I certainly wouldn’t send any back; just saying).

As tempting as it is to launch into a monologue on how much I’ve learned in my sojourn on this rock, I’ll spare all y’all that pile of horseshit. No one wants an unsolicited lecture on wisdom or how I’ve f****d up in my life. How do I know this? Because no matter how old we are or where we are in life, we’ve f****d up. If you’ve lived any sort of life at all, you’ve screwed the pooch more than a few times, and there are dozens of cringe-worthy moments lodged in your memory banks. But, don’t worry; they’ll come back when you least expect them and when they’ll do the most damage. That’s how it works.

The truth is that no matter how much advice we get from others, we’re still going to go on our merry way and screw up in our own uniquely individual way. That’s life, and we don’t learn lessons by listening to other people. No, we learn them by listening to other people and then going ahead and doing what they tell us not to do.

Ah, so THAT’S why they told me not to do that! If only I’d paid attention….

Yeah, well, that’s the universal human lament. We come, we see, we screw up- usually in the most impossible to fix way imaginable. It’s what we do, but it makes for some great laughs along the way.

Me? Yes, I’m definitely going to hell, but man, am I going to have some killer stories to tell when I get there.

IF someone were to ask for my advice, something I can’t imagine anyone doing, the first thing I’d tell them is NEVER act your age. For one thing, nowhere is it written how someone is supposed to act at a certain point in life. That explains why I’m often 12 going on 62, which drives my wife nuts but keeps me entertained. Of course, it helps that I don’t have children. I’ve never had to be a role model for anyone, something for which the world should probably be grateful.

As it is, I can barely function as a role model for myself, much less for another human being. And, since I don’t have children, I only have to worry about disappointing one person- my wife. That’s enough of a burden to live with, but it’s manageable. Usually.

If I acted my age, whatever the Hell that means, I’d be wearing Bermuda shorts, black compression socks, and sandals. I’d be complaining about my increasing hair loss. And I’d be upset about the college kids next door making so much noise. So instead, I still wear cargo shorts (‘cuz it aggravates my wife to no end), I shaved my head, and the kids can do whatever it is kids do these days (I think it involves ritual sacrifices, but I try not to pry). After all, I used to be 22 myself once, and I probably wasn’t nearly as responsible as they are.

I know this to be a fact because, as president of my dorm, I once ran a meeting while drunk off my ass. My girlfriend at the time didn’t speak to me for a week, and then she broke up with me. I couldn’t blame her, ‘cuz I was drunk when she broke up with me. I kinda had it coming.

I don’t worry about birthdays anymore, and I could care less about birthday gifts. I have everything I need, and the only things I want or need- my dog and my wife- I wake up next to every morning. It doesn’t get much better than that. There’s nothing I can think of that could top that.

And, because it’s my party, I’ll rick-roll y’all if I want to….

More than anything, I’m grateful to be still drawing breath. Every morning that I wake up means it’s going to be a good day. Being 62 means that I’m on the back end of the bell curve. I know that, but I don’t lose sleep over it. I can’t know how much time I have left, but I feel good, I’m happy, and I’m in a good place- so why not enjoy it while I can?

My father died when he was 82, and my mother just turned 81. She’s in good health and still has her wits about her. She doesn’t move very well any more, but at 81, no one’s going to be timing her in a 40-yard dash, nor is her vertical jump much of a concern. Based on the longevity of my parents, I figure I still have some time left- assuming fate doesn’t step in and booger things up.

Still, I can’t complain. I’ve had a good life, and I still have a good life. Hopefully, there will be plenty more to come. At the risk of sounding like a walking cliché, I’m just going to take it one day at a time and enjoy the moments as they come. I can’t change the past, I can’t know the future, but I do have this moment to do with what I can. So why not try to enjoy it?

So, Happy Birthday to me, eh? I get to celebrate another trip around the sun while being thankful for my great good fortune. I’m healthy, no one’s dropped a cruise missile into my living room, and my world is at peace. It’s more than a lot of people can say these days.

All of this means I get more time to try to live up to my mantra:

Don’t be a dick.

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