To Those Offended By The "Seven Dirty Words," It Might Be Time To F*****g Relax
Tune in tomorrow when I'll play "Seven Dirty Words" on an endless f*****g loop
(Warning: If you’re offended by profanity, you might want to stop here. Variations of the word “fuck” are liberally sprinkled throughout, some might say absurdly so, to make a point. Consider yourself warned.)
The man whose whole life is spent in performing a few simple operations, of which the effects are perhaps always the same, or very nearly the same, has no occasion to exert his understanding or to exercise his invention in finding out expedients for removing difficulties which never occur. He naturally loses, therefore, the habit of such exertion, and generally becomes as stupid and ignorant as it is possible for a human creature to become.
Adam Smith, An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations
One of the things I fucking love (and by “love,” I mean it drives me fucking nuts) is holier-than-thou parents who hold others to standards they’d never fucking dream of adhering to themselves.
The latest example of this phenomenon I’ve run across comes to us courtesy of the Katy Independent School District (ISD) and its hypocritical pearl-clutching coterie of White Conservative Christian heterosexuals. The ear hairs of these sensitive Sallys curl whenever they hear or read the word “fuck.” (OMG, what about the poor, precious snowflakes? Who’s thinking about the fucking children??)
Well, that is every fucking time they’re not the ones using that word, which I suspect many of them do regularly.
Katy ISD dropped plans for a renowned author's visit to two elementary schools last week after discovering her use of "foul language" on social media. As first reported by Hannah Dellinger of the Houston Chronicle, the New York Times bestselling novelist of six books Emma Straub was supposed to read her first children's picture book Very Many Hats to Kindergarten and first grade students at Robertson and Cimarron Elementary schools on Jan. 13. However, according to Dellinger and messages publicly posted to Twitter by a parent of a child in Katy ISD, the district rescinded its invitation the day before the event due to complaints it received from parents about Straub's use of explicit language online, specifically the "F word."
Of course, I can’t get into anyone’s head, so I don’t know what the fuck the fucking problem is. I don’t understand the controversy over the use of the word “fuck,” but the entire fucking scenario seems pretty fucking silly.
Language is only as fucking offensive as one chooses to fucking make it, and yet it appears the complaints of a few overly fucking sensitive parents have ruined it for everyone.
"The visit was intended to be an opportunity to visit with a children's book author who wrote Very Many Hats and learn about the writing process," read an email sent on Jan. 12 from administrators to parents and staff from both schools. "However, it has been brought to our attention that this author has regularly used inappropriate and foul language on her social media platforms — specifically repeated use of the 'F' word. This type of language, as you know, does not align with our school and community's values."
The district apologized for "any misunderstandings or inconveniences" regarding the cancellation, adding: "Ensuring we are consistently modeling appropriate behaviors and expectations for our students, both in the classroom and via other campus opportunities, is of high priority."
Why should it make any fucking difference what fucking language the author uses on her fucking social media platforms? In an era when Conservatives regularly complain about “cancel culture,” isn’t this the same fucking thing, the silencing of a voice because she “offends” someone?
And what was the nature of Emma Straub’s “offense?” It was a fucking Twitter post on the day 19 people were gunned down in Uvalde, TX. She was fucking angry, which seems a pretty fucking appropriate response, given the nature of the tragedy.
Sadly, some folks were more offended by her response than by the mass murder in Uvalde. How fucking stupid and misguided is that? Did any of these parents voices concerns about the fucking massacre and loss of 19 innocent lives? Somehow I fucking doubt it.
So a few fucking nattering nabobs of fucking negativity have determined that Emma Straub, because of her use of “fuck,” is somehow fucking unworthy of reading to their precious fucking snowflakes.
Unsurprisingly, this isn’t Katy ISD’s first go-round with caving into the demands of parents afraid of ideas that might cause their fucking progeny to think instead of reacting like good White Conservative Christian heterosexuals.
When your primary fucking concern is raising good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexuals, the LAST fucking thing you want is a child who starts thinking for themselves. Of course, when that fucking happens, you risk having a fucking Liberal at your dinner table.
Oh, the fucking humanity….
Back in October 2022, Katy ISD was similarly criticized after it canceled an event with award-winning author Jerry Craft and temporarily removed his books from library shelves following a petition from parents complaining that his books contained "critical race theory." However, the district later rescheduled his visit and reinstated Craft's books following a review.
‘Course, if you fucking asked Katy ISD parents to define “critical race theory,” you’d almost certainly get a fucking deer-in-the-headlights stare. Virtually no one would be able to fucking define it, but they fucking hate it nonetheless. They know it’s terrible and fucking evil, and they fucking know it when they see it.
Sort of like pornography, but don’t fucking get me started on that, ‘kay?
There’s nothing inherently fucking wrong or offensive with the word “fuck”- unless one chooses to fucking define it that way. Profanity is only profane because we’ve been taught that certain words aren’t to be fucking used in polite fucking company…or when fucking polite company.
In college, I had a show on the campus FM radio status. When I started, I was told that the only fucking rule was that I couldn’t play George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words. If you know me, you know that I take being told I can’t do something as a fucking challenge, so a few weeks later, I played Seven Dirty Words. And guess what? Society didn’t fucking collapse. The Russians didn’t march into Washington, DC. And the fucking Gay Agenda didn’t become the fucking Prime Directive.
Life went on, and no one said “BOO!” because they were just seven fucking words, of which “fuck” was one. You can choose to take offense over them or not. I choose not to unless they, like any word, are used to fucking degrade or denigrate someone. That’s where I draw the fucking line.
And then he thought: Is this how idiots rationalize their stupidity to themselves?
Orson Scott Card, Ender's Shadow
If you look at the word dispassionately, “fuck” is one of the most versatile words in the English language. It can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and so much more. I know of no other word with the versatility of “fuck” and its variations. It’s what makes it so fucking useful.
I can fucking fuck someone as I have the best fucking time doing something I fucking love…and that totally fucking makes fucking sense. Fuck yeah!!
OK, you get the point, right? If I put some thought and effort into it, I could write a sentence or paragraph that puts “fuck” through its paces. But, I don’t see any fucking need for it because I think I’ve made my fucking case.
Despite this, I know some will be clutching their fucking pearls at any mention of “fuck.” So to them, I’d offer only one fucking piece of advice:
Fucking get over yourselves, willya? You’re fucking annoying. It’s just a fucking word.
In this post, I’ve used variations of the word “fuck” 77 times. Admittedly, I WAY overdid it for dramatic effect, I don’t speak that way in real life, but neither am I afraid of the word- because it’s just a word.
Ultimately, words have only the power we imbue them with- no more, no less. We can opt for pearl-clutching, or we can choose to channel that energy more positively. The Seven Dirty Words have long since lost most of their power to offend, but censors still exercise some power to prevent them from being aired or used in print media.
That’s unfortunate because perpetuating fear of words only serves to preserve the power of that fear. Of course, defeating fear doesn’t mean we must incorporate those words into our daily lexicon; we can choose to ignore them if we wish. But choosing to take offense over them is a pointless waste of psychic energy.
They’re just words, after all.
As I understand it, Kurt Vonnegut's SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE was banned everyfuckingwhere because of a WWII scene in which soldiers are being shelled, and jump into a ditch while the unit chaplain stays frozen with fear in the road. A soldier yells, "Get the fuck out of the road, Father!" (And, naturally, Conservative Christian heads exploded.) A review of the book in the New York Times called it an example of "unmatched moral clarity"and "one of the most enduring anti-war novels of all time." It was on TIME magazine's list of the 100 best English-language novels written since 1923.
Yes, people say "fuck" to stress a point. (Perhaps ESPECIALLY soldiers under fire.)
I once quietly told a co-worker who was screaming at me to "shut the fuck up," This was NOT unusual shop-talk, but I was reported to HR, and I was to be fired. After TWO YEARS of arbitration, the company's settlement with me bought the house I still live in 25 years later. Best (fucking) words I ever said. :)
It is only cancel culture when it is a racist or neo-fascist who is deplatformed.