Today's "Coffee Spew Moment"- Nick Adams Is An "Alpha Male"

Right, and I'm Kate Beckinsale

Nick Adams (Alpha Male) @NickAdamsinUSA

We need to fight the war on Christmas with everything we've got, from the soles of our feet to the tops of our heads. It must be confronted, destroyed, and relegated to the dustbin of history. BOYCOTT STARBUCKS!

Knicks and Flicks @orangeblutattoo

@NickAdamsinUSA The “war on Christmas” is like Critical Race Theory, in that MAGA cultists cannot determine where and when they’ve witnessed said phenomenons.

Liberal Lisa in Oklahoma @lisa_liberal

@NickAdamsinUSA There is no war in Christmas you giant grievance baby.

Ah, yes; ‘tis the season for Conservative grievance babies, like self-styled “Alpha Male” Nick Adams, to decry the imaginary “War on Christmas.”

Oh…and before I get too far along, here’s a pro tip: If you have to include “Alpha Male” in your Twitter handle to let everyone know you're an “Alpha Male,” you’re not. Trust me; a true “Alpha Male” wouldn’t need to advertise. It would be self-evident. And if Nick Adams is an “Alpha Male,” I’m Lizzo.

Just sayin’….

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

G’day guys, Nick Adams here, I wanna speak about Starbucks and the war on Christmas.

Now I don’t know when the last time you went to a Starbucks was, but I’m gonna tell you that they’ve got these little red cups that they’ve just come out with — red cups this year!

You know what’s on these red cups? Absolutely nothing. No nativity imagery, no Merry Christmas, no manger — absolutely nothing. Starbucks is a very clear proponent of the greater war on Christmas, that seeks to eliminate God from Christmas, take Christ out of Christmas and turn it into some secular, navel-gazing, namby-pamby garbage.

Well I don’t know about you but I’m not gonna stand for it.

When President Trump was the president, everybody said “Merry Christmas” and I loved it! Now that Biden is the president, we never hear “Merry Christmas” anymore, it’s always “Happy Holidays.”

Let me make this very clear. Alpha males say “Merry Christmas!,” beta males say “Happy Holidays.”

We need to fight, we need to confront this war on Christmas with everything we've got, from the soles of our feet to the tops of our heads. The war on Christmas must be confronted and then destroyed, relegated to the dustbin of history where it richly belongs.

I invite you to join me on that fight, I invite you to join me on boycotting Starbucks, the “woke” organization that has got a red cup meaning absolutely nothing.

There are so many nuggets of Stupid contained in this jewel of idiocy that it’s difficult to know where to begin. But, as the man says, let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

1. There is no “war on Christmas.” It’s an imaginary propaganda device that Fox News and the Far-Right trots out yearly to rile up their knuckle-dragging base. No one- not atheists, Jews, Muslims, MSNBC, or the Green Bay Packers- has declared war on Christmas. Just check out the crowd at Lord & Taylor in Manhattan, ‘kay? Now STFU.

2. Starbucks is a multinational business. As such, they cater to a broad and diverse clientele that (GASP!!! OMG!!! WTF???) aren’t uniformly Christian. Some may not even celebrate Christmas (Oh, the horror!! Oh, the humanity!!) Nobody is required to cater to your petty hyper-religious demands, not Starbucks or anyone else. If they wanted to bring out black cups stamped with the face of Satan all December long, that’s their prerogative. Again, STFU.

3. As for their cups- No nativity scene! No Merry Christmas! No manger! So what? Starbucks isn’t the progenitor of any war on Christmas; your Christ wasn’t even born in December. No one’s removing the “Christ” or taking God out of Christmas. Y’all must be addicted to the sound of your own pointless, petty outrage. Please, for the sake of all that’s good and holy, STFU.

4. Donald Trump no more restored “Merry Christmas” any more than President Biden never says it. And did you ever stop to think that “Happy Holidays” is a respectful way of recognizing that there are other holidays around Christmas? Good Lord, y’all are nothing more than a bunch of whiny, impotent whiners and grievance babies who could stand to have your diapers changed. OMG, how I wish y’all would STFU.

5. Nick Adams wouldn’t know an “alpha male” if one showed up with a butt plug and a ball gag. And a ball gag would be a great way to force him to STFU right now.

6. There’s no “war on Christmas” to be confronted, much less fought. There’s only your fevered, lamentable imagination and your sad, demented need for attention. Adams is genuinely one of the most pitiful excuses for a “beta male” the Far-Right has to offer. If only he’d STFU, perhaps Starbucks would give him a red cup and a swift kick in the balls.

What’s pathetic is that Adams has been playing this game every December since 2016 with the same results- nothing. Starbucks ignores him and goes about their business, while Adams and his friends vomit forth pronouncements in a vain attempt to gain attention and traction. Every year, they get laughed at, ridiculed, and ignored as decent, rational people recognize that there’s a “war on Christmas” like there’s a “war on the Kardashians.”

I’m no fan of Starbucks, but it has nothing to do with Nick Adams, “alpha males,” or “Merry Christmas.” Adams is a 24-carat, first-class, Grade-A, USDA Prime dickweed, “alpha males” are a made-up thing so fake Christians can feel good about themselves, and “Merry Christmas” has never been endangered.

So, Happy Holidays to Nick Adams! GFY!!