Today's Headline From The Austin Dunning-Kruger Gazette

Surely Greg Abbott isn't that stupid...is he? He may well be- and don't call me Shirley.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott…Stupid is as stupid does, and boy, is there a surplus of stupid here.

If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

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When it comes to Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R), it’s often difficult to tell the difference between stupid and evil. Usually, the two are commingled, so attempting to separate the two can be frustrating and pointless.

But sometimes you have to wonder how someone so ostensibly intelligent can be so unbelievably f*****g stupid. Then again, Gov. Abbott may be a prime example of a man who’s been well-edumicated but didn’t manage to learn much despite his years of schooling.

Has he never heard of fact-checking? Or due diligence? Or simple common sense?

The jackasses are mad at Garth Brooks right now for committing the unpardonable sin of serving Bud Light at his upcoming downtown Nashville watering hole, and for saying that if you don't know how to act like a decent human being at his establishment, you can go the fuck elsewhere. "Our thing is this: If you come into this house, love one another," he said. "If you’re an asshole, there are plenty of other places on lower Broadway to go."

(And oh, there are. We were in Nashville on Saturday night for a concert at the Mother Church and we just ... Nashville. Boy, I don't know.)

Anyway, you can see why conservatives are mad. Garth Brooks told them to be Christ-like and well-behaved, and if there's two things MAGA dumpster cows don't like doin', it's that and that. Meanwhile, the Republican governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, he is a breathlessly stupid man and an unrestrained bigot. All these things came together to make a funny this weekend.

Just ... look at this motherfucker.

Abbott tweeted a tweet (now deleted) with a story about Garth Brooks being booed off the stage at the 123rd annual Texas Country Jamboree, adding "Go woke. Go broke." and "Good job Texas." He wrote, "Garth called his conservative fans. 'assholes.' " (Mistakes from the original.)

Yeah, fuck Garth Brooks for expecting the patrons of his bar to act like decent, kind, and compassionate human beings. How DARE he tell us how to behave? This is AmeriKKKa; we can act like assholes whenever to whomever we feel so inclined. If we want to be breathlessly stupid and unrestrained bigots like the Texas Governor…well, who are you to stop us, pardner?

Jeebus, these people are so intent on lording their superiority (they’re White Conservative Christian heterosexuals, after all) over everyone else that they can’t stand the idea of having to be decent to people to those not like them.

Do they want to hate Garth Brooks because he’s asking people to behave nicely at his bar? Is that really such a terrible, awful, burdensome thing to contemplate?

A very wise man (a drill sergeant, if memory serves) gave me a piece of advice that seems like it might apply here:

GROW THE F**K UP, WILLYA?

Gov. Abbott deleted this tweet shortly after posting it, and it doesn’t require a Ph.D. to figure out why. He reposted this article from a site called the Dunning-Kruger Times.

I’ll give you a moment to consider the almost unfathomable stupidity behind that. No, I’ll give you all the time you need. Go ahead; take your time. I’ll wait.…

Yeah, it’s a SATIRE site, something that requires virtually zero brain cells to figure out.

If the name alone isn’t enough of a giveaway, the site states outright that it’s part of “a network of parody, satire, and tomfoolery,” and adds: “If you believe that it is real, you should have your head examined.”

And yet, Gov. Abbott believed it was real…and posted it on his Twitter account AS IF IT WERE REAL.

Yes, someone needs to have his head examined.

“Go woke. Go broke.” Who’s the asshole now, Governor?

I love it when smug, arrogant Republicans act as if they’ve found information that confirms their belief- “Go woke. Go broke.”- and it turns out that said information is satire, inaccurate, plagiarized, or made up out of whole cloth. Why would you make stuff up if the truth was on your side? Why would you need to rely on falsehoods and/or made-up information?

Could it be that you’re Just. That. Stupid?? Perish the thought, right?

The article the very stupid Greg Abbott tweeted claimed that Nashville mayor "Art Tubbolls" (his name is John Cooper) said Nashville wasn't looking forward to Brooks's bar opening, quoting him as saying, "we expect there to be a lot of chaos, with leftists swarming the area to flash their fake breasts in front of children.” Abbott fell for that. He's that stupid.

And people are on Twitter right this very moment calling Greg Abbott very stupid. Some are even bringing up that Greg Abbott is so abjectly fucking stupid that he at least partially fell for the 2015 conspiracy that Barack Obama was doing a false flag military exercise called Operation Jade Helm 15 to declare martial law and overthrow Texas.

Some might say this is convincing evidence that Greg Abbott is a very unserious person, and it would be difficult to argue that point. Then again, Texas isn’t renowned for hosting a parade of serious people in its Governor’s mansion. After all, Abbott’s predecessors include Rick Perry and George W. Bush, neither of whom could ever be accused of seriousness or possessing a towering intellect. Both were intellectual lightweights who managed to fake their way to offices well above their meager capabilities.

Yes, in Texas, it pays to have rich, well-connected friends. Because being capable and possessed of good ideas seldom gets a Texas politician anywhere.

Garth Brooks may be woke, but he’s certainly not broke. Greg Abbott, however, is corrupt, evil, and stupid…but he’s also a Republican, which in Texas will cover for a multitude of sins.

For those unclear on the concept, “Hambriston” is not a real place in Texas. As for “the 123rd Annual Texas Country Jamboree,” that’s about as real as Gov. Abbott’s Ph.D. in Nuclear Physics and Advanced Chocolate Formulation Theory. And the “Dunning-Kruger Times?” Man, if you can’t immediately see through that, you deserve to be ridiculed from here until Christmas and beyond.

How can someone so accomplished and yet so thoroughly f*****g stupid?? Yes, America, that’s Greg Abbott, who’s just dumb enough to be blissfully unaware of how dumb he is, which makes him the perfect Governor of Texas.

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