"Transgender Beer", Drinking Urine, And Personality Cults (This Week In Stupid)
There's something about the Far-Right...maybe it's the water (or the urine)??
Why should we always try to be true to our natural selves? What if our natural selves are assholes? Stalin was true to himself.
A. J. Jacobs
I’ve enjoyed the righteous hue and cry over “transgender” beer. As if what adorns the outside of cans of (genuinely awful) mass-produced beer somehow has the power to alter one’s sexuality. “Alpha” males seem genuinely triggered by rainbows on their beer cans.
Dude, slip it into an insulated can holder or brown paper sack, talk some sports, and no one will be the wiser.
You’re welcome….
Oh, the humanity- and we haven’t even reached Pride Month yet. I shudder to think what 30 solid days of rainbows, Pride Parades, and men kissing, embracing, and holding hands will do to the fragile equilibriums of heterosexual alpha males. Throw in yet more rainbow-adorned beer cans and bottles, and…well, heterosexual America might just be thrown permanently off its moral axis, knowhutimean?
I have a tip for dealing with the confusion and the disorientation so many good, God-fearing White Conservative Christian heterosexuals are feeling now. Just go to your favorite bar and order a beer in a glass. Close your eyes. When the bartender hands you your beer, open them.
You’ll see a beer in a glass in front of you. Unless there’s a rainbow on the glass (I can’t help you there, Cowboy), a beer is a beer is a beer. You won’t know if there was a rainbow on the can or a picture of He-Man.
You can thank me later.
The cosmos stands amazed at just how dumb Planet Dumb is. With an uncanny talent for error, humanity has at every crossroads taken the wrong path. Humanity is the species guaranteed to choose wrongly. What else would you expect in a Dunning-Kruger world? Ignorance reigns supreme. Everyone is part of the Dumbageddon Conspiracy.
Ranty McRanterson, Full Retard: The Dumbest Just Got Dumber
All you need to know about Christopher Key is that he drinks his own urine…and be grateful you’re not the one kissing him goodnight.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for recycling, but Waterworld was just a movie, and not a particularly good one, knowhutimean? You don’t hear Kevin Costner talking about it much these days, do you?
And in Waterworld, at least he had a machine that filtered his urine before he drank it.
Yeah, Key has some issues. Drinking urine appears to be WAY down the list.
Anti-vaccine leader Christopher Key has long sought to confront one specific “idiot”—former President Donald Trump. He almost got his wish.
Key holds a deep grudge against Trump for, as he put it, releasing a “bioweapon” onto the world. That “bioweapon” is just the COVID-19 vaccine, which has saved, by some estimates, tens of millions of lives. But that hasn’t stopped Key from taking extreme measures to advocate against the vaccine.
Key is so adamant that the vaccine does harm, in fact, that he drinks his own urine.
That strategy, known on the far right as “looping,” is supposed to cure COVID-19 symptoms. Key has long urged his supporters to follow his lead and collect their morning urine to drink throughout the day. (As noted in a Reuters fact-check, there is “no evidence” that sipping your own urine can magically cure you from a case of coronavirus.)
As much as I despise the air The Former Guy breathes and the ground he drags his knuckles across, the idea that he launched a “bioweapon” (the COVID-19 vaccines) on the world is a bridge too far. Even for me. Science, which doesn’t encourage anyone to drink their urine, has shown that COVID-19 vaccines have saved millions of lives.
Urine? I’m not sure that cures anything, except women of the desire to be anywhere near you.
(Today’s question: Is there really a noticeable difference between drinking urine or Bud Light?)
Of course, evidence doesn’t matter to a True Believe like Christopher Key, who knows what he knows and isn’t about to let pesky, inconvenient things like “facts” or “evidence” sway him from his appointed path.
It doesn’t help his cause that Key is crazier than a vegan serving a life sentence in an abattoir.
In recent months, Key has taken his QAnon beliefs and claims that he is a “sovereign citizen,” to new heights. The latter claim, which essentially involves a far-right theory that one doesn’t have to follow laws, has been bolstered by Key’s claims that he doesn’t “drive” his car, so much as he “travels”—a pointless distinction that Key believes means his car isn’t subject to normal road rules because it’s a “wagon, with wagon wheels.”
The anti-vaccine leader—who calls himself the “Vaccine Police” and wears a police-like badge—also parades around with a flamethrower, though he has no authority.
Key’s precisely what we need at this point in our history- a wackjob who drinks his urine and thinks he’s impervious to mortal authority. Oh, AND he’s running around with a flamethrower.
That sounds like fun, eh? And what could possibly go wrong??
The world is full of assholes. What are you doing to make sure you're not one of them?
A.S. King
If you’re Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you do nothing to ensure you’re not an asshole. In fact, you’re dialing up the Asshole Factor to Warp Factor Nine and loving every moment of it. After all, she’s the Captain, she has the bridge, and the navigator steers the Enterprise where she tells him to go.
Engage….
In this case, if you want to serve on one of Arkansas’ numerous boards or commissions, not only do you have to show that you’re qualified, but you must also answer a question asking what you most admire about the Governor’s leadership.
That question allows for an answer of up to 500 words, so there’d best be a good deal that you admire about Gov. Sanders’ gracious, compassionate, and Divinely-inspired leadership.
Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is asking applicants to serve on state boards and commissions to write explanations of what they admire about her leadership most, reported the Arkansas Times on Tuesday.
"Looking to serve your state in some official capacity? First, kiss the ring," wrote Austin Bailey. "The application form you must fill out to be considered for a post on state boards and commissions includes this question: 'What is an accomplishment of the Governor’s that you admire the most?'"
As Bailey noted, this portion of the questionnaire allows a full 500 words — which is twice the length of the question, "What book have you read that would best define your life and why?"
And I’m assuming the answer to that question would be Gov. Sanders’ memoir and her recipe for living a godly and meaningful life, no?
Or maybe it was Mein Kampf? It’s always been a toss-up in terms of how much they’ve influenced my life.
This questionnaire was first flagged by Nate Bell, a former Republican member of the Arkansas Legislature who now characterizes himself as a "politically homeless conservatarian" and compared Sanders' hiring practices to that of a "banana republic."
Bell’s not wrong, especially about the “banana republic” aspect of Arkansas’ hiring practices. It’s the sort of thing you might expect to find in a highly dysfunctional privately-held company- not in a state government.
Then again, this is Arkansas we’re talking about. Gov. Sanders, who a reasonable person might’ve expected not to be so personally insecure, appears to be running the state like a personality cult. Or a banana republic. Take your pick. I’m not sure there’s much of a difference in her case. (A personality republic? A banana cult?)
It’s been a week, and I (deliberately) haven’t touched on Marjorie Trailer Greene or Lauren Boebert, whose individual idiocy featured prominently this week. I’m sick and tired of focusing on those who give blondes a bad name (yes, I realize Boebert is only an honorary club member).
After a few days in Canada, I’d held out an ever-so-slight hope that I might return to a more sane and sober homeland. ‘Course, I do realize I can be hopelessly naïve at times. As I feared, the stupid continues apace, same as it ever was, and the challenge lies in editing it down to a manageable level.
I decided to leave out Conservative Looney Tunes deciding that if they can’t ban books, they’ll skip ahead to defunding libraries. Because a stupid society is an obedient society?
Stay tuned. Perhaps we’ll rediscover a measure of sanity and intelligence next week. Right, and then I’ll sign a multi-book deal with a publisher that pays me a multi-million dollar advance. Shortly after that, I’ll wake up naked on a beach with a welt on the back of my head, a raging hangover, and no idea who I am.
And perhaps Bruce Springsteen will rise from the dead. Wait…he’s not dead? Damn, I need to stop getting my news from The Drudge Report and Breitbart.
(note: credit for a modicum of inspiration to Jeff Tiedrich)
