Trust Fund Baby Bo Hines- Even Dumber Than We'd Though Possible
Trust Fund Baby Bo Hines- Even Dumber Than We'd Though Possible
"To call him a Madison Cawthorn clone is an insult to Madison Cawthorn"
With abortion being such a bitterly divisive issue in this country, I admire those looking for creative solutions that show promise of bringing people together. Like Republican Bo Hines, who’s anti-abortion, but understands that those impregnated by acts of rape or incest should be treated with a bit more sensitivity…or something like that.
I’m not sure that Hines’ idea promises more sensitivity, but it certainly promises to make abortion decisions regarding rape or incest much more participatory.
We do not know if there is something in the water over there in North Carolina, or maybe if some of the livestock have Mad Cow disease, but that state breeds a certain kind of stupid when it comes to blond Aryan bigot boys.
Hell, you wanna reach back in your memory banks, you could go back to Jason and David Benham, sons of anti-abortion extremist Flip Benham, the Aryan bigot twins who one time were going to get a show on HGTV but they didn't because they're fucking bigots.
Of course, most of y'all are probably thinking of Aryan mountain steed Madison Cawthorn, peace be upon his finished career.
But when God closes a Madison Cawthorn door, he apparently opens a Bo Hines window, by which we mean God just flung another fucking blond idiot Aryan dumbfuck at us, right through an open window, which was a bit rude of God if you ask us.
Hines is running for Congress in North Carolina's 13th Congressional District, which is a gerrymandered-ass suburban/exurban thing between Raleigh/Durham and Greensboro/Winston-Salem. He is 27 years old and he says he is a "MAGA warrior." He is a former college football player. He is a trust fund baby moron who just graduated from law school in May.
Madison Cawthorn? Remember him and how his star rose and fell so suddenly? Yes, he’s technically still a Congressman, but since he lost his primary, he’s gone into hiding and stopped showing up for work in Washington. Presumably, he’s still drawing his $174k/yr paycheck, but whaddya gonna do? The poor guy’s probably living in a cabin in the mountains somewhere outside Asheville, trying to grow a beard so he can go incognito.
Not to fear, though, for a Cawthorn clone is running for Congress. Bo Hines thinks he can solve the abortion issue- at least regarding rape and incest- once and for all.
Right. And I’m going ice fishing in Tucson next week.
He does not have the look of somebody who spent a lot of time waiting in God's line for brains. He appears to have recently thought that if you say America is becoming a "banana republic," you were talking about the store.
This local news report on Hines came out a little over a week ago, but it started going around Twitter last night, we guess because America only has the stomach for so much bugfuck each day, and it just wasn't ready to deal with Bo Hines's plan for abortion. (All these white MAGA boys with plans for abortion!) In fact, it started going viral when a North Carolina activist named Christina Reynolds decided to make sure we knew about it.
Hines thinks abortion should be unlawful except in cases where a mother’s life is at risk. He wants victims of rape and incest to be allowed to get an abortion on a case-by-case basis through a community-level review process outside the jurisdiction of the federal government.
Holy shit, a "community-level review process." Did nobody think of this because of just how back-ass-ward-ly insane and cruel it was? And is he sure he meant to say he means this for victims of rape and incest?
So you thought that once Cawthorn vacated the premises, the collective IQ of the North Carolina Congressional delegation would rise by several points? Well, comrade, you may have been celebrating just a wee bit early because Hines’ proposal is jaw-droppingly ignorant and insensitive.
And not terribly bright.
Then again, what else would you expect from a 27-year-old trust fund baby who makes Madison Cawthorn look like a Nobel Prize laureate by comparison?
I don’t know if Hines has laid out the specifics of his plan, but if it’s truly to be a “community-level review process,” why not make it an item on a weekly city council meeting’s agenda?
You could require each woman “in trouble” to stand before the community and the city council and state their case. Then, after a community question-and-answer period, the council would vote.
Or they could do something similar to what villages used to do to determine if women were witches- tie a heavy stone to the poor miscreant and toss her in a pond. If the woman surfaced, she was a witch. If she didn’t, she was innocent. Of course, she was also dead, but at least the village council had cleared her name.
Justice never fails, amiright??
If a town wanted to raise money, they could sell tickets and give everyone who purchased a ticket the right to vote on whether a woman deserved to have an abortion or be forced to carry her baby to term.
OK, I’m being facetious, but my suggestions probably makes as much sense as anything Bo Hines suggests. But, unfortunately, he hasn’t considered his plan's impact on women who come before the “community-level review process.” Because why should the woman whose pregnancy is being considered have a voice?
Hines’ opponent, Democrat Wiley Nickel (send him some money; it’s a surprisingly tight race), has a warning for those of us outside of North Carolina:
To call him a Madison Cawthorn clone is an insult to Madison Cawthorn,” he says. “He is much worse. He is just everything that’s wrong with our country wrapped up into a 27-year-old trust fund kid.
Remember when the GOP actually called itself “the party of small government” and did so with no hint of irony? Now Republicans want to be just small enough to fit into a woman’s uterus…and anywhere else they need to be to maintain control over female reproductive functions.
Hail Gideon. In your eye.
How does that work, young buck? Do they have to collect signatures from a certain number of their friends and neighbors? Must they put together a presentation for the board of aldermen? Is this what Dr. Oz meant when he said abortion should be between a pregnant person, their doctor, and their local community officials?
Do they have to go before the local Abortion Review Board to somehow prove to them — haha, we bet it will be made up of white conservative men who say they love Jesus! — that they are rape and incest victims?
Don’t get me started on Dr. Oz and his “abortion should be between a pregnant person, their doctor, and their local community officials” accidental speaking of the truth. What is it about Republicans that leads them to believe that they belong in the room when a woman consults with her doctor regarding her reproductive health? How are they arrogant enough to think that it’s any of their damned business?
And how will the local “Abortion Review Board” be constituted? Will it be stacked with White, Conservative, Christian, heterosexual males who spend their free time glued to Fox News Channel? Will these folks believe that women are rightfully the property of men and that women don’t deserve agency?
It may be that Bo Hines IS worse and more dangerous than Madison Cawthorn, who thought he was far more intelligent than proved to be the case. In reality, Cawthorn had neither the intelligence nor the ability to do his job as a Congressman. Hines is WAY dumber than Cawthorn but can articulate his awful ideas and make them sound possible. This makes him nothing if not dangerous AND dense.
Maybe it IS the water in North Carolina.
