Truth Isn't Truth, Not When Silicon Valley Bank Is In Bed With Black Lives Matter

C'mon...you know you want it to be true- to the tune of $73 million

“If there's one thing America will always lead the world in,” Harold said, “it's assholes with guns.”

• Jason Mott

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

• Henry Miller

It’s a tired and not particularly funny joke, but it applies to Fox News in more ways than I can elucidate:

How do you know when they’re lying? ‘Cuz their lips are moving!

Yeah, I know…like I said, it’s not particularly funny, but a good percentage of the time, when their lips are moving, Fox News talking heads are indeed pushing lies, falsehoods, half-truths, and/or generalized bullshit.

We report, you comply….

THAT’S how they came to be America’s #1 cable channel.

Fox News Channel rose to the top by feeding America’s undereducated inbreds the bullshit propaganda they want to hear. Remember, it’s not about news and information; it’s about confirmation bias. It’s about giving the sheeple what they want.

We guess this is their attempt to make the halfwit "woke bank" lie more intellectual racist. Because to appeal to the kinds of people who vote for Republicans and consume rightwing media with the voraciousness of Ron DeSantis fingering a pudding cup, your talking points need to make sense jam at the white supremacist G-spots inside their bottoms.

We first heard it on Tucker on Wednesday night, so there's a huge shock. In the middle of his fuckbonkers monologue, which was really nothing more than interactive bingo for those aforementioned G-spots, he said that "according to amazing new analysis from the Claremont Institute, Silicon Valley Bank — brace yourself — spent more than $73 million on donations to BLM and related organizations."

LOL "Claremont Institute." There's your first clue this is some absolute full-of-shit nonsense. OK actually the first clue was Tucker's mouth was moving and he was making those high-pitched yipyap sounds that always come out when he talks.

SEVENTY-THREE MILLION DONATIONS TO BLM! (And related organizations asterisk shhhhhhh.)

Friends, does it make sense that Silicon Valley Bank donated $73 MILLION TO BLACK LIVES MATTER (and related organizations asterisk shhhhh)?

I know; you’re thinking “SILICON VALLEY BANK DONATED $73 MILLION TO BLACK LIVES MATTER?” OMG!! WTF?? ROTFL!! LOL!! AS IF!!

Well, that would be just horrible, wouldn’t it? Well, sure. Maybe. Kinda. Sorta.

If it were true, that is.

Anyway, this wasn't just something that was written on whatever Tucker Carlson had stuck up his backside that night. The entire Right-wing media complex has latched on to the “story.” Donald Trump Jr. pulled the $73 million number out of his pants and played with it on Twitter. On Fox News, Jesse Watters said Tuesday night that Banksy McWokester gave $74 million to BLM (He then had a spontaneous orgasm and had to change his pants). He's also said $75 million. (The number is jumping around a bit, which is fine because it's all one big lie.) Ainsley Earhardt repeated it on "Fox & Friends" on Wednesday morning. Larry Kudlow pegged it at $75 million. (Guess that was one of the WOKE ROMPINGS he's been accusing the bank of this week.)

Everybody on Fox News said it.

And, as we all know, when Fox News says it (repeatedly), it must be true.

Except when they’re pulling information and number out of their backsides, which, come to think of it, is most of the time.

Friends, would you like to know how much money Wokey McBankFace donated to Black Lives Matter?

Zero dollars. The answer is zero dollars.

Several sites have done extensive debunkings of how Claremont Institute put together its "amazing new analysis" that ended up manufacturing this fake lying amount of donations for lying rightwing fascist pundits to piss into their followers' receptive gullets. Josh Marshall has a good one at Talking Points Memo. The link we posted above — and will post again right now — from Judd Legum and his pals at Popular Information is extensive and detailed.

The key to the damned fucking lie is that it's including "pledges to groups that are associated with Black Lives Matter." Wait, that's not the key to the lie. Wokey McBankFace gave all those related orgs zero dollars.

The key to the damned fucking lie is that it includes "organizations and initiatives that advance one or more aspects of BLM’s agenda." And what are some aspects of BLM's agenda? Well, Claremont says it's to — hold on to your funny bones for this one -- "undermine capitalism, the nation state, and Western civilization." These people are such fucking shut-in bigots, Jesus Christ.

So while Grandma and Grandpa in East Bumfuck, WI, are losing their sh*t over SVB donating $73 gazillion dollars to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, and other violent Left-wing militias, precisely NONE of that actually happened. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. Bupkis. Cero.

Really. None of it happened.

Meanwhile, the Claremont Institute had put together a rather damning flimsy string of tenuous BLM-SVB connections. How the SVB initiative listed by Claremont had any connection whatsoever with BLM is never laid out. Apparently just the fact that the programs were supposed to benefit minority communities somehow made them “BLM.” (And being “BLM” meant that they were going to destroy White America as we know it.)

Just like the fact that I’m White makes me a potential drag queen or serial killer.

In 2021, SVB made a pledge to spend $50 million over five years on an internal initiative called Access to Innovation. The program sought to connect women, Black people, and Latinos with startup funding, networking, and leadership development in the venture capitalist ecosystem. Integrating marginalized groups into the venture capitalist community seems like an odd way to "undermine capitalism," the purpose of BLM, according to the Claremont Institute. And since the program was to last five years, most of the money has probably not been spent. Nevertheless, the $50 million represents more than two-thirds of SVB's alleged support for BLM.

The other major contribution by SVB that the Claremont Institute says was BLM-related was a $20 million donation "to support additional COVID-19 relief" and establish a "full-ride, needs-based University Scholarship program to students at Arizona State University, Florida A&M University, Tulane University, and Xavier University." (The $20 million represented the fees SVB collected for processing loans under the Paycheck Protection Program.) It is unclear what COVID-19 relief and college scholarships have to do with BLM.

The Claremont Institute database also says that SVB spent another $1.2 million on the Access to Innovation program and $1.6 million on "causes supporting gender parity in innovation" in 2020. According to the sources cited by the Claremont Institute, these expenditures actually occurred in 2019. They also have no apparent connection to the BLM movement.

Rounding out the Claremont Institute database is a 2020 "2:1 matching campaign for employees who donate their money or time to social justice organizations, which raised nearly $400,000." The identity of these groups is not disclosed, but the Claremont Institute assumes they must be related to BLM. In addition, the database includes $250,000 of donations from the SVB Foundation in "corporate donations to the NAACP, ACLU, National Urban League and other organizations." (These donations may overlap with the matching program.) The Claremont Institute considers the NAACP and the ACLU to be "BLM partners." In reality they are two of the oldest and most respected civil rights and civil liberties organizations in the United States.

So somehow flimsy connections + shoddy logic + the fact that some of these initiatives were intended to benefit minorities = $73,000,000.

Follow the money, right? Exactly.

Except that the Claremont Institute’s reasoning is complete bullshit and makes no logical sense. Not that this was enough to stop Fox News talking heads from jumping on the story. They had a “respected name” (the Claremont Institute, duh), a concrete dollar amount ($73 million), and an FDIC-insured bank that went tits-up because of “woke” policies. At least so far as Conservatives in Congress and talking heads at Fox News knew, anyway.

But that was more than enough for them to run with, and so before Jesse Watters and Tucker Carlson could remove their stainless steel barbed buttplugs, they were off and running with the heretical $73 million dollar SVB donation to BLM.

Except that it never happened in the way they claimed, and the exact amount of the donation was- wait for it- $0. But that doesn’t make for a very good story, does it? Nah, $73 million dollars sound much more sinister than $0- and more like something you could hang the corrupt wokesters at SVB by the short hairs with.

Remember, to quote the great bard Rudy Giuliani, “truth isn’t truth.” The truth is whatever you can convince the gullible sheeple to believe. And if they can swallow SVB donating $73 million to BLM…well, who’s to say it’s not true?

Hang ‘em high, ladies and gentlemen!! There are ratings to be had!!!!