Walk a mile in someone's shoes...soon you're a mile away and they're shoeless

Words have only the power to offend that the reader provides them, or why I've used variations of the most versatile word in the English language 18 times

Ed. Note: This is my 1000th newsletter. It’s hard to believe that what I started as a shot in the dark on May 4th, 2021, has developed into what it is. I’d just shuttered my old blog after almost 20 years and was casting about for a new home for my writing. Substack has been a dream- low-maintenance, easy to use, and free. My readership hasn’t grown as quickly as I’d hoped, but I keep plugging away. Then again, that’s not why I write. I’m grateful to and for those of you who take time out of your day to read what I have to say. It means more than you know.

• Jack

---

They’re just fucking words, y’all….

you son of a bitch, she said, I am

trying to build a meaningful

relationship.

you can't build it with a hammer,

he said.

• Charles Bukowski, Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit

I’m a big fan of Ben Cohen, whose Substack newsletter I highly recommend checking out. One of my favorite features, F**cking Mondays, apparently had some of his readers in something of a dither. “Too much profanity,” some said. “It’s offensive,” said others.

Well, la-dee-fucking-da.

I respect people’s opinions, but here’s mine (and since this is my sandbox, we go by my rules, capice?): They’re just words, and words have precisely- and ONLY- the weight and import one chooses to provide them. So, if you’re someone who’s offended by the word “fuck,” well, this might not be your cup of tea, knowhutimean.

I don’t use profanity gratuitously but rather for emphasis. And I did read somewhere- though I fail to recall where- that the use of profanity is a sign of high intelligence.

So there’s that.

What the fuck??? Why does he curse so much??

Of course, when Cohen took a poll regarding the name of F**cking Mondays, he was mildly surprised by the response he got.

I’ve always firmly believed that profanity is offensive only if you choose to hear it that way. Words are words; they have definitions, but the actual meaning has to do more with the person hearing them. We all bring our prejudices and experiences into how we experience words. Some are very intimidated by profanity, and some- like myself- see curse words as language, no more and no less.

For the longest time, due to the influence of a high school English teacher I greatly admired, I refused to use “fuck.” She felt it to be a very coarse and harsh word and those who used it to be uncouth, limited, and unable to express themselves in more acceptable ways. And, for whatever reason, I bought into that and refused to use it.

Then, as I began to get more serious about my writing in my late 30s, I began to recognize that “fuck” is quite possibly the most versatile word in the English language. It’s amazingly flexible and can be used to express a variety of emotions and also to elucidate a wide variety of situations.

Once I understood how versatile “fuck” is, I realized that it’s just a word, and it has only the meaning and gravitas I choose to provide it, so if I decide not to be offended by it, then it’s not offensive. The same with many other profanities, some of which I don’t use because I don’t see the need, and others because I do understand how deeply offensive they can be to people.

I’m not completely insensitive, ya know….

The comment I wrote for the Substack note at the top of this post was an attempt to be silly and illustrate that sometimes, by overusing a word, it’s possible to blunt its perceived offensiveness.

No one will ever mistake me for George Will or David Brooks, and I’m OK with that. I’m sure neither of them would ever sully their work with a word so proletarian as “fuck,” but neither the New York Times nor the Washington Post is knocking down my door, so I don’t have an editor nagging at me.

Is that even possible??

I realize I have a varied audience and a responsibility not to offend my readers gratuitously. I take that responsibility seriously, but not TOO seriously. I’m also going to have some fun with the English language, and sometimes…well, once in a while, that might mean I might skirt the edges of being PG-13.

And then there’s the “fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke” element of things. Words have meaning, and I’ve always firmly believed in that maxim. But you also can’t hold others responsible for the meaning YOU attribute to a particular word. You may find a work like “fuck” to be offensive, but that doesn’t mean others do. It may have an entirely different meaning and weight for others who encounter it, and that’s OK. One person’s joke is another’s reason to be offended.

Words are a writer’s stock in trade. We nurture them, cultivate them, and take care to arrange them in an orderly procession that conveys the meaning, emotion, and message we wish to communicate. Sometimes, doing that means crossing a line that might put some folks off. Since my writing style is more conversational, I enjoy making my writing honestly reflect what conversation represents to me.

I write as I speak; sometimes, that speech veers into a space some might find profane. To me, it’s natural and neither good nor bad. It’s just how I speak. I don’t swear like a longshoreman, but neither do I censor myself.

And, yes, sometimes I use various iterations of “fuck.” As I mentioned earlier, it’s a uniquely versatile word and can be particularly useful when reacting emotionally, both positively and negatively. It’s available at the front of my brain when I respond before my brain can kick in. It could be a moment of pain or joy, an instantaneous reaction I write down before considering my thoughts.

When I go back during my editing process, perhaps I’ll change the wording. Perhaps not. Whatever the case, I’m looking at an honest emotional reaction. Sometimes, I’ll edit it into something more neutral. Sometimes, I’ll leave it as is. I may not know how my readers will take it, but conveying what I felt in that moment might be more crucial than any sensibilities I might trample.

In the end, though, “fuck” is only a word- four letters that have precisely and only the weight and ability to offend that the reader chooses to give it. I’ve always believed that being offended by the word says more about the reader than the writer or the word itself.

TL; DR- “Fuck” is just a fucking word, and it has only the fucking power one chooses to fucking give it. If you’re fucking offended by it, consider fucking thinking about what it is that fucking offends you.

Have a brilliant fucking day! ;-)

(All of my posts are now public. Any reader financial support will be considered pledges- support that’s greatly appreciated but not required to get to all of my work. I’ll trust my readers to determine if my work is worthy of their financial support and at what level. To those who do offer their support, thank you. It means more than you know.)

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