"We are losing our kids to a Satanic cult"

Democrats and other mind fucks foisted upon unsuspecting citizens by America's Dumbest Senator, Tommy Tuberville

Tommy Tuberville- Our work here is dumb….

I’ve written about Sen. Cornpone Q. Chickenshit Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) multiple times previously, mainly because, as America’s Dumbest Senator, he’s a source of endless fascination. It never ceases to amaze me how someone lacking a functional intellect can become Alabama’s senior Senator. Then again, this is Alabama we’re talking about here, where they’d vote for a ham sammich if it had an “R” behind its name.

It’s difficult to overestimate the depths of Sen. Chickenshit’s Tuberville’s intellectual insufficiency. How the man manages to tie his shoes in the morning escapes me. That his brain can remind his lungs to breathe is somewhat miraculous.

Sen. Tuberville’s latest tour de farce is warning his fellow Republicans that America is losing its children to a Satanic cult. Feel free to repeat after me: WTF???

Over the course of his brief political career, Sen. Tommy Tuberville has struggled on a great many fronts. The Alabama Republican is perhaps best known for launching an unprecedented, 10-month blockade, preventing confirmation of U.S. military leaders, all the while failing to understand the implications of his own tactics, but that’s really just the start of a larger conversation.

As we recently discussed, Tuberville is also known for his election denialism, his provocative rhetoric about race, his disparagements of the U.S. military, his difficulties with basic details related to civics and modern American history, his inability to discuss policy details, and his willingness to give Russia’s Vladimir Putin the benefit of the doubt.

But sometimes, the GOP senator’s perspective is just plain bizarre.

Honestly, “just plain bizarre” represents an upgrade from “too fucking weird for words.”

As my MSNBC colleague Hayes Brown noted, it was just last week when Tuberville lashed out at President Joe Biden as a “garbage human being.” Three days later, as The Salt Lake Tribune reported, the right-wing lawmaker traveled to Utah to campaign for a Senate candidate and shed additional light on his curious beliefs.

Alabama Republican U.S. Sen. Tommy Tuberville had a stark warning for the approximately 100 Utah GOP delegates who crowded into a Bluffdale warehouse to hear him speak on Friday afternoon: Malevolent supernatural forces are working to undermine America.

“I’ve traveled all over the country — all 50 states — I’ve been in good places and bad places,” the coach-turned-politician said. “The one thing I saw, we are losing our kids to a Satanic cult.”

I don't think he was kidding.

No, he probably wasn’t. Of the many things that can be said of Alabama’s senior Senator- few of them complimentary- no one’s accused him of having anything resembling a sense of humor.

Whenever he gets going on the “America’s heading into the toilet without Jesus” vibe, nobody’s laughing…unless we’re all laughing AT him, which is surprisingly easy to do.

As part of the same remarks, Tuberville declared, “We’ve lost our moral values across the country. We’ve got to get back to the Constitution, and we have got to get back to the Bible. We’ve got to get God back in our country. There’s not one Democrat that can tell you they stand up for God.”

It’s difficult to unpack such angry-guy-at-the-end-of-the-bar remarks, though I’d be curious to know more about how Tuberville expects the United States to “get back to” both the secular U.S. Constitution and his preferred holy text.

As for the senator's insistence that zero Democrats are willing to “stand up for God,” it’s also worth noting that President Joe Biden is a devout Catholic who regularly attends church services, and at last count, there are no professed atheists in Congress.

My first response to this as someone who considers himself to be good without God is, “How dare a Republican US Senator take it upon himself to claim God as a Republican? And how dare he presume to know the religious commitments of all Democrats?”

“There’s not one Democrat that can tell you they stand up for God?” I’d be curious to know what would lead Sen. Chickenshit Tuberville to make such a ridiculous blanket statement.

That seems a pretty damned arrogant attitude, first of all, to assume that God’s a Republican, which is in no way accurate, and then to also think that Democrats are ipso facto godless heathens.”

And then to claim that we’ve lost our “moral values?” What does that even mean? Is Sen. Chickenshit Tuberville saying that because not all American live by the moral/theological code of White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexuals, all is lost? Sorry, but I categorically reject that assertion. I’m not nearly so narrow-minded and judgmental as the Senator is…and I’m not even a Christian.

As for “getting back to the Constitution,” I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. When have we ever left the Constitution? All of our elections are still conducted the same way they have been since the founding of the Republic; our laws are interpreted in the same way, so what’s changed?

Is it that land-owning Conservative White men aren’t uniformly the ones in power? Or is Sen. Chickenshit Tuberville upset that Blacks are no longer enslaved? Now that he’s no longer coaching major college football, can he now let his White supremacist freak flag fly freely?

Meanwhile, one of Tuberville's colleagues — Democratic Sen. Raphael Warnock of Georgia — is quite literally a Christian pastor who “stands up for God” during his weekly sermon. Perhaps this slipped the Alabaman's mind.

But wait, there’s more. The Salt Lake Tribune report added:

Tuberville even went so far as to claim the federal government has been corrupted to go after conservatives instead of criminals, which was seemingly an indirect reference to the hundreds of Trump supporters who were charged after attacking the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

“We’ve lost our Department of Justice,” the Alabaman said. “In most of the country, we don’t have a criminal justice system anymore. Nobody goes to jail, unless you’re an innocent person that really loves this country, then they’ll put you in jail. We have never overcome a cult like we’re dealing with right now.”

Tuberville added that it’s Democrats who are trying to “push this cult on us.”

What struck me as particularly odd about Sen. Tuberville’s unhinged rant was that he never mentions what the unnamed “cult” is. Are we talking Liberals, Democrats, Jews, Catholics, serial killers, vegans, long-distance runners, Packer fans?

The intellectual vacancy and arrogance of the senior Senator from Alabama are astonishing. His assumption that God is a Republican and that Democrats must, therefore, be worshippers of Satan is about as smug and ignorant as a biped can be while also (barely) retaining the ability to remain upright.

We could start with the Senator’s utter lack of self-awareness, but that would be too easy. He fails to recognize that he’s become an exercise in the worst kind of self-parody. Never mind that he’s not intelligent enough to manage an airport kiosk, much less represent a state in the US Senate. Then again, Alabama has precisely the quality of leadership it deserves.

Who knew the Yellowhammer State’s standards were so low?

Stupid is as stupid does….

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