What Part Of Republican "Dick And Balls Fight" DOESN'T Sound Entertaining?
Yes, Virginia, this is the GOP in 2023
Bravery is absence of contemplation and idiocy is the extinction of it.”
M.F. Moonzajer
“Are you a Buddhist?"
"No, I'm an asshole. But I keep trying.”
Scott Hawkins, The Library at Mount Char
I know; I promised I wouldn’t write about Donald F*****g Trump anymore. And I meant it. Honest. And I haven’t been very good about it. But when you see a headline like this,
So There’s a Trump-DeSantis Dick and Balls Fight Going On Right Now
how can you possibly pass on it?
So, being the curious sort, I dove in, hoping to find something new and different. Not that I was hoping that I might find something dignified (I mean, we’re talking grown-ass men having a “dick and balls” fight), but this is just dumb.
Just days after it was reported that Donald Trump was planning to touch on Gov. Ron DeSantis’s penis soon, one of the ex-president’s surrogates said to NBC News that the governor needs “a set of balls.” And the DeSantis campaign replied about the “perverted” nature of the Trump camp’s “obsession.”
To be clear, this is all part of a primary race to determine which Republican will receive the party’s nomination to be leader of the free world.
The dick fight (Note: you can read “dick” with either slang meaning and it still works here) started with a Rolling Stone article just over a week ago, in which it was reported that Trump’s campaign is, as Mediaite’s Sarah Rumpf put it, “scheming ways to sink to even lower and stupider depths as the GOP presidential primary battle heats up — by mocking the size of Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ manhood.”
The details are worse than you think.
Somehow, for reasons no one will own up to, the conflict between DeSatan and Trump has devolved into a contest involving the flinging of euphemisms for male genitalia back and forth. Chimpanzees fling feces at one another, so Republicans flinging penis slang at one another kinda makes sense, no?
No. It doesn’t. These are supposedly adults vying to become the most powerful man in the free world. Dick jokes should be beyond the pale, knowhutimean??
Even female staffers on both sides are involved in the silliness.
NBC News published an article with Round Two inside it, which Axios reporter Alex Thompson highlighted on Twitter.
DeSantis super PAC head and former state chair of the Trump campaign in Nevada Adam Laxalt was quoted, ahead of a political event this weekend which will host several Republican candidates, saying that “I was a two-time Trump chair. I don’t see a path for him to win Nevada in a general election. Those voters are not coming back.”
NBC’s Natasha Korecki and Henry J. Gomez got a response from current senior adviser to the Trump campaign Chris LaCivita: “Not surprised Ron DeSantis is looking for a set of balls.”
The event this weekend, which like several recent primary events will be attended by several 2024 GOP candidates but not Trump, is centered on a traditional “stewing and frying of lamb testicles.”
There’s got to be some sort of Republican male symbolism, right?
When all’s said and done, however, do we REALLY need to know? I want to put an end to the silliness right here and now, but the fact I’m still fussing about it means it’s not about to happen.
Erin Perrine, communications director for the Never Back Down PAC supporting DeSantis, smacked the Trump campaign over their “obsession” with certain parts in a comment jam-packed with references.
The Trump team’s obsession with men’s genitalia is more perverted than a woke grooming book.
More comments were exchanged to the reporters but none have surfaced on Twitter or Truth yet in response to the dick story getting bigger.
Ah…I see what you did there….
And it’s almost enough to get me to ignore the “woke grooming book” comment. Alas, the sheer ignorance and arrogance behind that is impossible to miss.
Then again, what else can you expect from a party almost entirely devoid of ideas (and self-awareness)? That wants to destroy democracy, install an autocracy, and make their guy- whether a 77-year-old lunatic or a Floriduh Hitler wannabe- an American Führer?
When you have no ideas, no platform, and nothing on your mind except a lust for power and the desire to blame everything on Joe Biden…well, it should surprise no one that we’d end up with a sideshow like a “dick and balls fight.”
And it’ll be an abstract, no-holds-barred embarrassment- to the party, the candidates involved, and the country. One of America’s two major parties has been reduced to the equivalent of a 7th-grade locker room jock-snapping contest. How do we expect the Russians or the Chinese to take us seriously when unserious people run for President?
In the article eight days ago that got the latest surge of dick talk going, Rolling Stone pointed out that Trump has been shopping salacious rumors about DeSantis since last year.
As Rolling Stone reported in November, Trump had spent months privately soliciting and regurgitating various bits of salacious “gossip about DeSantis, including unverified allegations about his private life.” At the time, Rolling Stone declined to publish exactly what the former president had been spreading to close advisers and longtime associates. However, one of the uncorroborated or baseless rumors that Trump was gossiping about was, in fact, about DeSantis supposedly being gay, two people familiar with the matter say.
Trump used similar tactics against Florida Sen. Marco Rubio during the 2016 primary, and Rubio famously clapped back on stage at a Republican debate with a remark about Trump’s small hands. So, you know, things are going great still.
That’s about the size of it at the moment. If things develop we’ll enlarge the article.
So now the 2024 Presidential campaign has devolved- 16 months ahead of Erection Election Day- into a sad collection of swollen, overused, and highly unoriginal dick jokes. It makes my head throb because the last thing I need is the mental picture of Donald Trump with his tiny hands stroking his microscopic knob. Or Ron DeSatan’s blue balls.
Dear God (or whatever deity you choose to rely on for succor), please make it stop….
America doesn’t need to be thinking about that. I don’t need to be thinking about that. It would be nice if Republicans came up with some real, honest-to-God kind that people could discuss and ponder.
Instead, we’re left to wonder how one of America’s two major parties got caught up in a “dick and balls fight,” the sort of thing that should’ve been left behind in 7th-grade gym class.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t care if Ron DeSatan is gay (he probably isn’t, but it wouldn’t matter if he is), and I don’t care about the size of Trump’s hands (though he certainly seems to). I want to know what their plans and ideas are, rather than listening to them bloviate about “woke” and promising to “destroy Leftism” (DeSatan). Or blubber about being persecuted by “Joe Biden’s DOJ” (Trump).
Sadly, a “dick and balls fight” might be the best (and all) we can expect in 2024.
