When You Get Paid To Tell Lies For Jesus, You Must Be Michele Bachmann

Because neither truth or lies matter NEARLY as much as political power

I miss former Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) sometimes. She may be batshit crazy, a horrible person, and an even worse Christian, but at least she’s transparent about it. You knew what you were getting because she’s not intelligent enough to fake being a good and compassionate person. No, she’s a judgmental harpy who uses her “Christian” faith to elevate herself and her party over those she considers “less than.” Those unfortunate souls are, of course, the unclean ones unfortunate enough not to be born White, Conservative, Christian, and/or heterosexual.

Now, Bachmann has crawled out from under her rock to voice her opinion that the January 6th insurrection was a Leftist plot intended to brand Orange Jesus and the MAGA movement as terrorists.

Ah, straight out of the mouths of babes, right?

On the eve of Thursday’s hearing at which a congressional committee revealed even more damning evidence of former President Donald Trump’s central role in the Capitol insurrection and the broader plot to keep him in power after losing the 2020 election, former Rep. Michele Bachmann told religious-right activists that the insurrection was planned by Trump opponents to make him look bad.

Bachmann, who was at the U.S. Capitol that day, told a Family Research Council town hall on Christian nationalism that the Jan. 6 crowd was “happy” before the violence started. She declared that the attack was a “rebranding exercise” to portray Trump and the MAGA movement as terrorists.

Bachmann is an influential figure on the religious right. She is dean of the School of Government at Pat Robertson’s Regent University and board chair of the Family Research Council, which was the organizer of Wednesday’s event.

Bachmann still has some considerable (metaphorical) weight to throw around in the Evangelical movement. Though the Evangelical community cares far less for the teachings of Jesus Christ than they do for secular political power, they want to maintain at least the charade that God is on their side. Bachmann still thinks she can add that patina of legitimacy and godliness to the Evangelical cause.

The fact that she’s crazier than Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) and has a functional IQ somewhere between Boebert and fellow Rep. Marjorie Trailer Greene (R-GA) doesn’t help her cause. It does ramp up the comic relief value, though.

Bachman is an ardent election denialist who, like Trump, has refused to accept his defeat. On Election Day 2020, she had assured viewers of Kenneth Copeland’s Victory Network that “the Lord, our God, has sealed this election in the heavenlies and we are going to be rejoicing very soon.” Weeks after the election, she screamed that her vote had been “stolen” on election night, “when Satan was snatching away from America rule by the consent of the governed.” In April 2021, she responded to President Biden’s first State of the Union Speech by saying, “We had a fake election. We’ve had a fake presidency. This is a fake State of the Union address.” A month before, she used her post at Regent to host an “election integrity” conference that gave a platform to Gateway Pundit’s Jim and Joe Hoff and other conspiracy theorists.

Bachmann has also been a fervent promoter of bogus conspiracy theories about the insurrection since hours after the attack. The day after the insurrection, she falsely declared that the Capitol was invaded by left-wing “rabble-rousers paid to put together a coup.” Months later, she told right-wing radio listeners that the insurrection “was a theatrical event that the progressive left put on” to “rebrand Donald Trump as being an insurrectionist and a leader of a terrorist movement.”

She has her story, and she’s sticking to it, evidence be damned.

Truth? Evidence? Pfft…those are for losers and Liberals. When you believe the 2020 Presidential election was a time “when Satan was snatching away from America's rule by the consent of the governed,” you’re on a roll. Probably in the fast lane on the Expressway to Hell, but at least you’re rolling.

Michele Bachmann has been lying for Jesus for so long that I suspect she can no longer discern truth from dishonesty or fact from propaganda. To her, the truth is whatever she needs it to be to emerge victorious. It can be bogus conspiracy theories, stolen elections, Satan snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, or the Green Bay Packers trading Aaron Rodgers to the Yakult Swallows. You can bet that she’ll say or do whatever it takes.

If she needs to work the pole at CPAC…well, the assembled throng will be cheering her on. And praying she doesn’t tear an ACL.

Of course, I don’t know if Bachmann watched the same insurrection I did, but her statement that “the Jan. 6 crowd was “happy” before the violence started” is prima facie absurd. Indeed, if you ignore the gallows constructed in front of the capitol, the spotters armed with long guns in trees, or the Proud Boys in military stack formations, the protestors may have been “happy.” That is, if "happy" means “mad as Hell” and not in a frame of mind to talk their problems out.

Aryeh Cohen-Wade @AryehCW

So many kids who identify as cats are going to be pooping in litter boxes in school tomorrow. God bless America!

Troy Warr @TroyWarr

@KellyrKopp @AryehCW @chrislhayes This one is true, though. I overhead it in a hipster coffee shop

Bachmann is another example of a dishonest Republican attempting to frame the January 6th insurrection as the lovefest it certainly wasn’t. No one held hands and danced around campfires as other protesters sang Kum-Ba-Yah or toasted S’mores.

During her tenure in Congress, Michele Bachmann was one of the most thoroughly petty and dishonest Christofascists on Capitol Hill. She’s still a petty and unscrupulous Christofascist, but she’s taken her act on the road where she can spend even more time pretending to be a Christian and not having to answer to constituents back home in Lefsaland.

Bachmann doesn’t have an honest, decent, or compassionate bone in her body. And she’s every bit a Christian- in the same way I’m a Nobel Prize laureate. Unfortunately, she has more in common with Rev. Joe Isuzu (Google it, kids) than with a committed and honest follower of Jesus Christ.

What makes Bachmann worse is she’s even more ignorant, hypocritical, and willfully mean-spirited than Boebert or MTG. I can never tell if she’s that honestly and transparently dense and lacking in self-awareness or if it’s an act. Does she believe the bile spewing unfiltered from her pie hole? Or is Bachmann fully aware she's preaching stupidity and propaganda to racist, brain-dead, angry White Conservatives? In the end, it probably doesn’t matter; they’re lapping it up either way.

But they loves them some Jesus, don’t they??

Why should she care, though? In the end, she gets paid either way. And since she’s no longer in Congress, the chains are off. So no one cares enough to investigate her hyper-religious dishonesty and her transparent effort to become the modern-day reincarnation of Josef Goebbels.

Mama must be SO proud.