Who Knew That Zillow Supports Sin and Sodomy?

Because One Million Moms is on the job protecting our moral fiber

In times like these it's important to stay grounded in our values, so we should check in with the One Million Moms — AKA that busybody Jesus idiot lady from Mississippi — to find out where there might be a nipple or some stray gayness on the television that will scar us for life.

You'd think considering what's going on this week that we'd be here to talk about the "sexual anarchy" Charlie Kirk saw in the Super Bowl halftime show, or maybe the excellent visible penis lines on all those long-distance skaters, but no, this missive is about a different kind of porn: real estate porn. Monica Cole saw a Zillow ad, and it gave her the shakes. The lesbian shakes. And so she wrote out an email, because that's what she does.

Oh lord she's literally upset about real estate porn. She saw lesbians on the television and they were in a Zillow ad and they were ...

They were touching each other, lovingly. They were doing hand-tickles! Those lesbians probably have bathing suit areas!

When non-heterosexual types can look at real estate apps and search for their dream home, what is our world coming to? OMG; before you know it, they’ll be all domesticated and such. They’ll be mowing lawns, shoveling snow, attending PTA meetings, and checking out books from the library.

THEY’LL BE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME!!! THIS CAN NOT BE ALLOWED TO STAND!!!

Can it??

Well, thanks to One Million Moms, (Monica Cole in her pajamas in her bedroom office in Tupelo, Mississippi) is incensed that Zillow is engaged in Real Estate Porn. Specifically, they’re normalizing sapphic love by portraying a lesbian couple as they search Zillow for their dream home.

At least, we THINK they’re lesbians. I mean, they’re sitting on a couch together, and then they touch fingertips in what has to be a secret lesbian ritual handshake. Of course, it was only a 30-second commercial, so it’s not like they were naked and scissoring like panthers in heat on their couch. We have to infer a few things from the commercial, but it’s pretty clear to anyone who KNOWS that something sinful was going on there, right?

So the righteous Ms. Cole sat down and pounded out an email expressing her dismay at Zillow’s blatant promotion of the Homosexual Agenda.

Oh the humanity….

Zillow should be ashamed of their latest commercial for attempting to normalize sin by featuring two women together.

The newest commercial for Zillow features two women playfully and lovingly stroking, caressing, and tickling each other’s hands.

The ad states, “Ah, the Feeling of Finding Your Place.” This commercial promotes same sex relationships and the LGBTQ agenda.

There is concern about the way this advertisement is pushing the LGBTQ agenda, but an even greater concern is that the commercial is airing when children are likely watching television.

Airing this advertisement during family viewing time crosses a line that Zillow should have never crossed.

Except that the first :11 are focused on the eyes of the couple’s dog. From :12 to :17, the camera focuses on one woman’s phone as she’s using the Zillow app. Then, from :17 to :22, the couple engages in their secret ritual lesbian finger touching. Then the tagline: “Ah, the feeling of finding your place.” Finally, at :23, the camera once again focuses on the eye of the dog before the commercial draws to its lascivious and sinful close.

The alleged lesbian couple is on camera for all of ten seconds. The camera spends more time, 19 seconds, focused on the dog’s eye than on the couple. Those ten seconds offer no window into the women’s sexuality. Indeed, the finger-touching is hardly proof positive that as soon as the camera stops rolling, they’re going to be naked and scissoring on the floor like demons.

The women may be lesbians…or they may not be. The camera’s far more concerned with their dog. I’ve watched the commercial several times, and I can’t see what convinces Monica Cole that these women are lesbians and that Zillow is promoting sin and sodomy. It takes a vivid imagination and a highly suspicious nature to pass such a judgment based on ten seconds of camera time and one fleeting, cryptic action.

Or perhaps Ms. Cole is just that uptight and afraid of anything she can conflate with homosexuality in any shape, manner, or form. For her to be able to take ten seconds of a commercial and turn it into an apparent commercial endorsement of the LGBTQ “lifestyle” seems nothing if not a stretch. It’s the product of an overactive imagination, overheated self-righteousness, and perhaps even some deep-seated fear about her sexuality.

Luckily for America’s moral fiber, One Million Moms (Cole) didn’t confine their almost limitless capacity for moral outrage to the Zillow commercial. No, they were also all over the Super Bowl halftime commercial.

Unfortunately, this year’s Super Bowl 56 halftime performance, featuring rappers Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and R&B singer Mary J. Blige, was extremely vulgar.

The language was inappropriate even though partially bleeped out.

But the nearly naked backup dancers were the other part of the performance that made the halftime show anything but family-friendly.

The backup performers were shaking their scantily clad rear ends and numerous other body parts as they twerked around the stage.

The dancers incorporated stripper-like moves, such as spread-leg squats, crotch shots, and a full view of a couple of females’ backsides.

How are children supposed to learn about respect and dignity when this is what they see on one of the world’s biggest stages?

OMG; “nearly naked backup dancers,” “scantily clad rear ends,” “stripper-like moves,” “spread-leg squats,” and “female backsides?” It’s almost as if you could feel Ms. Cole’s heartbeat quicken and her palms become sweaty as she typed that, right?

I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that Monica Cole is White, which accounts for her breathless cluelessness about rap and hip-hop culture. It’s a fair bit different from anything she may be accustomed to, and that MUST. NOT. BE. ALLOWED. TO. STAND.

Of course, I’m not sure what Ms. Cole would find acceptable for a commercial or a halftime show. I suspect the commercial would have to be a nuclear family- Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids- sitting at a picnic table and eating hot dogs while discussing what they learned at church that morning.

The halftime show? Well, that would probably be women in long skirts and head coverings, heads bowed in silent prayer for 20 minutes until halftime is over. Admittedly, that would be pretty dull, but at least you wouldn’t have to worry about “stripper-like moves” or “spread-leg squats.” I mean, what about the children??

‘Cuz Lord knows we don’t need to be corrupted by an exposed nipple or a commercial endorsement of the Homosexual Agenda.