Why Do Conservative White Folks See Schlongs In Every Monument That Honors Black Folks?
Is Megyn Kelly jealous...or just not clear on her Black History?
GIT YER HEAD OUTTA THE GUTTER, Y’ALL; NOTHIN’ TO SEE HERE….
I’m admittedly neither an art critic nor an authority on Black History. I’m a pretty clueless White guy who’s trying not to step in deep doo-doo whenever I talk about issues important to Black people.
But the statue unveiled last week in Boston has even noted social critic and amateur art dilettante Megyn Kelly wondering about its significance. Its purpose is to honor the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., but I don’t think Kelly is convinced.
Last Friday, a 20-foot-tall monument was unveiled in Boston Commons that honors Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, to whom he was fortunately married. Called The Embrace, the sculpture by artist Hank Willis Thomas symbolizes the hug the couple shared when Dr. King won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964.
Thomas depicts the Kings' arms and shoulders but not their actual bodies. That's how you know it's not a photograph. The Embrace is very much a modernist sculpture, and that can prove tricky when the subject is a historical figure, especially a political leader. Americans in particular tend to prefer Hellenistic sculptures that are "idealized but naturalistic representations" of the "great men and women" of our history. We're also really into equestrian sculptures (i.e. dudes on horses), especially for Confederate traitors.
Modernist art isn't easily accessible. It often demands that you take time with a work and reflect upon its impact. Something that might seem downright bizarre at first can slowly grow on you. However, few Americans are interested in quiet contemplation. This ain't Walden. They must form an opinion NOW.
So…we couldn’t at least get MLK and Coretta Scott King on a horse? People might find that relatable, right?
You see, Americans HATE having to think about art. Truthfully, they hate having to think about anything because it forces them to exercise brain cells that are ridiculously flabby and out of shape.
Americans don’t do pondering and reflection. They really must develop an opinion NOW. Anything they’re required to reflect upon makes their pointy li’l heads hurt, sometimes to the point of exploding.
Sadly, The Embrace wasn’t even universally well-received within MLK’s family.
[P]eople actually related to the Kings certainly have the right to a reflexive opinion. Seneca Scott, Coretta's cousin, did not receive The Embrace with open arms. He told CNN, "If you can look at it from all angles, and it’s probably two people hugging each other, it’s four hands. It’s not the missing heads that’s the atrocity that other people clamp onto that; it’s a stump that looked like a penis. That’s a joke."
Writing for Compact magazine, Scott described The Embrace as a "masturbatory 'homage' to my family" that looks “like a pair of hands hugging a beefy penis" — so in other words a "hand job" or the artistic representation of third base.
Wow…”masturbatory ‘homage,’” “a pair of hands hugging a beefy penis?” Man, this got pornified in a helluva hurry, eh? And all this time, I’d thought it looked like someone hauling a dead seal ashore.
Well, art IS in the eye of the beholder, no? And modernist art can occasionally be impenetrable and open to interpretation, especially if thinking isn’t your strong suit.
Of course, it does. Because in modernist art, everything can look like a penis if viewed from the right angle in a certain light or a particular mood. It’s highly subjective, so if the person viewing the sculpture hasn’t gotten any action for a while…well, it may look like a penis.
But I have to wonder what sort of schlongs Megyn Kelly has seen in her lifetime.
Meanwhile, King scholar, art historian, and Blackface expert Megyn Kelly also gave her unsolicited opinion. She presumably had a spare moment between ragging on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. During her SiriusXM broadcast Monday — you know, Martin Luther King Jr. Day — Kelly told her guests, fellow civil rights leaders Rich Lowry and Charles C.W. Cooke from the National Review, “What it looks like, I’m just going to say it, a giant penis … I’m sorry, it does!”
I won't speculate on how many shiny, bronze giant penises Megyn Kelly might've seen in her life, but there's nothing overtly phallic about the sculpture. Sure, multiple appendages on a penis might prove advantageous but that sort of deformity is rare in reality. If Kelly wants to see a massive sculpted penis in action, she should fly to Florence and check out Michelangelo's David.
I’m not sure I want to discuss penises with a group of uptight Conservatives (or anyone else) under any conceivable circumstances. This is even more true when the subject at hand is MLK, someone they laughably work overtime to claim as their own every January.
If MLK were alive today, he’d be MAGA, right? Youbetcha, and I’m Erin Andrews.
“This is why you need to run stuff by people close to you," Lowry said. "‘What do you think of this design, honey?’ ‘It looks like a schlong.’” No, it doesn't. Please consult a urologist.
Lowry went on to whine, “The deeper story here is we’ve lost the capacity to create public beauty, there is no piece of public art in the last 50 years that has been beautiful or uplifting …” No matter the time period, rightwingers are guaranteed to loathe most currently produced artwork. That's their thing.
If you look at the statue and try to see it for what it is, it turns out that it’s not difficult to see the artist’s intent. Nor is it particularly challenging to see the sculpture as a realistic representation of the embrace between MLK and his wife.
That’s what it is. That’s it. That’s all. It’s not a penis, though; for those incapable of seeing art as it is (or just horny), everything’s a penis. It’s like the old proverb- “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”
For those inclined to honor MLK without trying to politicize the monument, it’s a moving tribute- and you don’t have to be an art historian to appreciate it.
For repressed Conservatives, everything resembles a penis. There’s the running joke about Ben Shapiro having never made a woman orgasm (I’m not touching that one). And too many on the Far-Right claim to be experts on sexual morality and sexuality and gender identity issues when they do have a clue.
When it comes to issues of sex and sexuality, I’m not about to consult Ben Shapiro, Rich Lowry, or Megyn Kelly.
Amid the Conservative Sturm und Drang, Martin Luther King III struck the right tone, mentioning that the monument brings people together. And, ultimately, isn’t that the important thing?
The Embrace honors a man who dedicated his life to bringing people together in the fight for peaceful co-existence, social justice, and racial equality. But, unfortunately, it would seem we still have much work to do in that regard.
