Why Is It Always About "Forcing Things Down Our Throats?"

Do White Conservative Christian heterosexuals want to be the ones forcing their thing down the throats of others? I'm asking for a friend, of course.

If you listen to the good, God-fearing, White Conservative Christian heterosexual patriots of Franklin, TN, all they do is stand up for traditional biblical values. Oh, and protecting children. It’s ALWAYS about safeguarding children, don’tchaknow- even when it’s about their fear and prejudice because gay stuff makes them feel all kinds of icky.

Yes, cherry-picked Christianity never looked or sounded quite so comical, y’all. And the most amusing part is that most of the folks coming out against Franklin’s Pride celebration lack the self-awareness to recognize how thoroughly unbalanced and silly they sound.

Some residents of the town of Franklin, Tennessee, are trying to ban an upcoming Pride celebration, and their reasons are straight out of the Old Testament (yes, the same text that bans bowl cuts). In a meeting that included several viral-worthy testimonials this week, these passionately homophobic citizens stood to express why the local Pride organization should be denied a permit to march this year.

Franklin’s Pride parade is only two years old, but residents there already have had more than enough and have been pressuring the town’s mayor to cancel it. Some claimed that Pride celebrations are “indecent, inappropriate, and explicit in nature,” per WKRN. The hysterical, moral panic-infused testimonies would be hilarious if the rampant homophobia wasn’t also terrifying.

It became pretty clear that the concerns weren’t really about stopping the Pride parade as much as they were about proving a point in some larger culture war.

The way the über-Jesus-y folks of Franklin are addressing this, you’d think that their little town was poised on the brink of becoming Sodom and Gomorrah, what with all the talk of things “being forced down our throats.”

An odd choice of metaphors given the subject matter, don’tchathink? Indeed, the collective lack of self-awareness in this “controversy” is astonishing.

“We’re at an inflection point in this city’s history and in this nation’s history where pronouns are being shoved down our throats,” one of the disgruntled citizens said.

So…you’re OK if you’re the one putting something down someone else’s throat? Just asking for a friend.

“I don’t care who you date, this is about posing a very dark political movement,” said another.

Well, you obviously DO care about who people date because you’re all sorts of worked up about things being forced down people’s throats…especially when it’s not YOUR thing in someone’s throat.

Or maybe you’re so uptight that you can’t handle the idea of people not like you celebrating life with joy and abandon? Especially when most Old Testament-addicted Christians seem to feel that life is to be endured and suffering is de riguer and not for mere mortals to question.

Happiness? THAT’s not Christian….

Not to sound alarmist, but some of this seems weirdly reminiscent of the McCarthy era, which is reminiscent of the 17th-century witch trials, which is reminiscent of every persecution story ever. The inhabitants of Franklin are essentially accusing queer people of diabolical and nonsensical stuff, like giving children butt plugs, which we can assume definitely didn’t happen (where the hell is this so-called rainbow room they describe?). They are dangerously conflating queerness with pedophilia, and visibility with indoctrination. They are afraid of what they don’t understand, and that has never been a good thing.

Needless to say, Pride events are very important spaces for queer youth and folx who do not live in big cities, and might not have access to queer spaces. It’s one time of the year when queer people in smaller towns might feel empowered to express themselves in ways that might feel dangerous during other times.

Not to sound alarmist? Wait, what? Do you mean to tell me that the LGBTQ community is handing out butt plugs to children in downtown Franklin on Saturday mornings in front of God and everybody?

Hey, kids!! Collect the whole set! We’ll even provide the Vaseline and show you how to use them!!

Of course, as any small-town White Conservative Christian heterosexual patriot can tell you, queerness is just a half-step removed from pedophilia (even though most pedophiles are White Conservative Christian heterosexual males).

Never mind that queerness and pedophilia are in no way related. Conflating the two is a GREAT way to deflect attention from those who ARE pedophiles, many of whom can be found in churches, Boy Scout troops, city government, etc. Surprisingly few, if any, pedophiles will be found at places like Franklin’s Pride celebration.

Though you may know the truth, the truth isn’t always going to set you free, knowhutimean??

After all, someone’s got to look out for the White Conservative Christian heterosexual males diddling underage boys, yeah?

Yeah, because if people don’t stand up against things being shoved down their throats in Franklin, TN, they’ll be shoved down people’s throats everywhere…and some folks might begin to enjoy it a wee bit too much, knowhutimean?

And, as if to add to the gravity of the situation, former Saturday Night Live cast member Victoria Jackson is back after her secret lobotomy, and she’s been talking directly to God. At the meeting in Franklin, she told the assembled masses that God is NOT happy with the LGBTQ community forcing things down people’s throats.

She would know, eh?

I don’t know, man. Has God tried sodomy or homosexuality? And he prefers that people live in shame? That doesn’t sound like the God I was taught about in Sunday school.

Of course, most of these folks probably haven’t cracked a Bible since their pastors beat their bare bottoms with one when they were kids. Perhaps that’s why so many of them are obsessed with sodomy, eh? Could it be that Sunday School was where they learned about it…first-hand?

This whole thing was somewhat unhinged even before Jackson stepped up to the microphone, but she added a new level of idiocy to the proceedings. Somewhere along the way after she left SNL, the worms ate her brain, and now she sounds like Kayleigh McEnany on a peyote binge.

It’s a thing to behold.

We, of course, have to acknowledge the most WTF moment of the whole Franklin fiasco, which is when former “SNL” cast member Victoria Jackson got to the podium. She begin by describing God’s hatred for sodomy and homosexuality — and that wasn’t even the bizarre part.

“God hates pride,” she said. She then recited Proverbs 11:2 from the Bible, which talks about how much God dislikes pride — not that gay celebration kind, but you know, the emotion. She then implored people to go on YouTube, where there are allegedly videos of archeologists digging up Sodom and Gomorrah.

Let’s get real. Pride parades — at least the ones I’ve been to, and I’ve been to a lot — are mostly just giant block parties where people wear bright colors, dance, and blast Whitney Houston, which made me wonder if any of the people trying to cancel Pride have ever been invited to anything fun.

I’ve been to a few Pride parades, and there’s nothing lewd or lascivious about them. A Pride parade is simply an opportunity for an LGBTQ community to burst out of their shell, even if only briefly, and celebrate themselves. They’re not looking to recruit or engage in sodomy in the streets or on floats. And they’re not handing out butt plugs with instruction manuals to 3rd-graders.

They’re. Just. Having. Fun. That’s it. That’s all.

So, if the good, God-fearing, holier-than-thou White Conservative Christian heterosexual patriots can come down from On High and lose their self-ascribed self-superiority for a moment, they might realize that.

Or perhaps not. They really can be dicks about it. Or maybe that’s what they’re concerned will be shoved down their throats.

For what is Christianity but the fear that someone somewhere is getting some…and they’re not?