Jesus, Guns, And Babies- "I'm The One You've Been Waiting For"
Right; a batsh*t crazy and intolerant "Christian" who believes she's the Second Coming of...well, I'm not certain what, but it's not good
Since I’m vacationing in the South, I thought it only natural to write about the South….
In these days of God, guns, and Donald-Trump-Died-For-Your-Sins-And-Arose-From-The-Dead-In-Mar-a-Lago-Three-Days-Later, it makes sense that some GOP candidates are, well, a little “out there.” Take Georgia Republican Gubernatorial candidate Kandiss Taylor:
Sunday’s Georgia GOP governor’s debate between incumbent Brian Kemp and former Senator David Perdue [was a real dickfight- Ed. note], but those two assholes aren’t the only ones seeking their party’s nomination. There’s also this crazy asshole, Kandiss Taylor, who wasn’t at the debate, presumably because there was security.
Monday, Taylor released an ad where she proclaimed herself the “one you’ve been waiting for.” Then she went Sinead O’Connor on a photo of Kemp and Perdue in happier times. Ripping the image in two, she said: "In Georgia, we’re done with establishment twin buddy system. I’m Kandiss Taylor. I’m a mother, a wife, and a public school educator.”
It’s not encouraging that Taylor holds any of those positions.
That Taylor is allowed out amongst the general population is a frightening thought under the best of circumstances. Her husband and children must be scared shitless of her. And that she’s charged with edumicating Georgia’s sweet, impressionable young ‘uns is a whole ‘nother level of terrifying, knowhutimean??
There’s something about someone who invokes her “Christian” faith in the same breath she says, “I’m the one you’ve been waiting for,” that should frighten any reasonable, rational person half to death. And make you think she should be heavily medicated and under professional care.
Taylor has a Ph.D. (I’m assuming in edumication) from Pat Robertson’s Christian indoctrination center, Regents University. She holds a certification in early childhood edumication and, for the past 19 years, has worked as a third-grade indoctrinator teacher and school counselor. And she wears her morality on her sleeve…or in this case, on something a bit larger:
Her morality is clearly marked on her campaign bus that bears the large words “Jesus,” “Guns,” and “Babies.” Her smiling likeness is even larger. She told a local Fox affiliate last month that "Jesus, guns, and babies kind of sums up how we are as Americans.”
While you’re trying to wrap your head around that last sentence (Lord knows I certainly am), let Taylor explain it to you. I’m not sure it makes things any easier to understand, but it does get you a bit farther into her head, which is probably not where any of us would choose to be.
Especially given her apparent unfamiliarity with the definition of “choose.”
Jesus being the First Amendment right to worship whoever you choose freely: for me, it's him. And then guns, because it's our Second Amendment right to bear arms to protect ourselves from the tyrannical government, or to protect our safety. Then babies because none of us would be here if our mommas didn't choose to have us.
Things always get a wee bit creepy and off the charts bonkers when Conservatives start to talk about protecting “ourselves from the tyrannical government[.]” Does she think that Meal Team Six, armed with a few AR-15s and smoke grenades, will somehow take out the world’s most professional and well-equipped military? Are the Proud Boys going to rise up and roll back the 82nd Airborne? Will the Michigan Militia try to do their best imitation of the Ukrainian Army? Nah, that all seems VERY unlikely.
Conservatives and 2nd Amendment ninnies talk a good ball game, but all the chest-thumping in the world isn’t going to get them anywhere except perhaps an unmarked grave.
As for Jesus, that’s all well and good, but you have to know that Taylor’s idea of “religious freedom” isn’t that everyone is free to practice their own faith tradition. Oh, no; she means that everyone is free to practice HER faith, or they’ll be given a cigarette and a blindfold before being dispatched to her version of Hell.
As far as babies are concerned, Conservatives like Taylor LOVE the unborn, but they have no use for children once they exit the womb. They also don’t support social safety net programs intended to support young and/or single mothers or any other social program designed to give poor children a hand up.
Taylor obviously misses the irony of using the word “choose” when describing her extremist anti-abortion views. It was always creepy and weird when conservatives talked about stockpiling guns for some future war against their own government, but the January 6 insurrection was just last year. Republicans are openly seditionist and refusing to recognize the legitimacy of any election Democrats win. The Second Amendment rhetoric no longer feels like bluster. It sounds like a threat.
The professional educator also rails against the "critical race theory, social-emotional learning, and comprehensive sex education” in Georgia schools she believes “teach communism, oppression and conversion to our children.” Jesus apparently wasn’t known for his empathy so conservatives resent their kids learning to care about people who are the slightest bit different.
Taylor is all but sure to lose next month's primary election, but she’s establishing a brand for herself. We unfortunately haven’t seen the last of her.
Taylor also doesn’t understand that Critical Race Theory (CRT) is a law-school-level educational track. CRT isn’t taught at elementary or secondary schools in America; it’s just something used to keep the misunderedumicated Republican faithful scared and stupid. Sadly, it works all too well, because too many Right-wing American parents believe American schools are teaching CRT AS WE SPEAK. They KNOW that their local public schools are using it to teach impressionable Johnny and Susie to be ashamed of their Whiteness.
And, since they don’t believe Jesus was known for his compassion, tolerance, and understanding, Conservatives like Taylor resent that their kids are learning things like kindness, selflessness, and caring about others. They know that America is a dog-eat-dog world and that all of us are wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
I find it difficult to believe Georgia’s fourth- and fifth graders are being taught reverse cowgirl or proper oral sex techniques. Isn’t that what the Internet is for? Who doesn’t think their child spends several hours a day on Pornhub or similar sites, where they learn all they need to know about sex and relationships?
As for communism, oppression, and conversion, spending 12 years in classrooms listening to teachers drone on about things they don’t understand seems more than enough oppression. Communism? Since Kandiss Taylor has no understanding of the concept, what else can she do but throw around the word? Of course, it’s not as if anyone listening to her will be able to define “communism,” either…but everyone knows it’s BAD, right?
I’m not sure what sort of conversion Taylor’s referring to because Georgia’s classrooms, like any other state, are supposed to be free from religion. Schools are for edumication. They’re not publicly-funded churches- not that little things like the Constitution have ever stopped Taylor, who will profess her devotion to the Constitution whenever she believes she can use it to her advantage.
Of course, if she’s referring to gay conversion therapy, that’s even more reprehensible, but I’ll spare y’all a diatribe on that. I think I’d be preaching to the choir, anyway.
The good news is that Kandiss Taylor is too over-the-top crazy even for most Georgia Republicans. I know it’s hard to imagine, but even Georgia’s Trumplicans have standards, abysmally low though they may be. Current Gov. Brian Kemp, who’s as exciting as White bread, has a considerable polling lead on Former Sen. David Perdue, who possesses the charisma and intellectual agility of sweet tea.
And for the sake of all that’s good and righteous, DON’T make fun of her accent. Nope, don’t do it. I know you’re going to want to. Lord knows I do, but don’t give in to the temptation. Even though she sounds like an SNL parody or someone who’s already making fun of a Georgia accent, DON’T DO IT. That’s how she talks
Her accent, awful as it may be, isn’t what makes her terrible. It’s what she stands for that makes her terrible. And we’d all be well advised to keep that in mind.
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