So Where Were You On May 4th, 2021?
With any luck, you were being more productive than I was
(This one’s dedicated to Ray Saunders and Tim Smith. RIP, gentlemen. I was proud to know that y’all were a part of my life.)
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
Rolling Stones, Sympathy for the Devil
So allow me to re-introduce myself. It was four score and eleventy-seven years ago (at least it feels that way) that I set up shop here at North Star & Cowboy Bars. For those of you who’ve asked, “What the Hell does that even mean?”…well, you could use your imagination. Or you could consider that it’s somehow tied to my checkered past. Either way, you’d probably be right.
Hey, I’m a writer. I make shit up ALL the time. Is it true? False? Is it literary license? Not even my hairdresser or my budtender knows for sure. And you know what? I like it that way. Facts are for losers and Liberals, right??
Except that I’m a Liberal, so that puts me in an awkward spot. No worries, though; I’ll find a way to write my way out of it. When in doubt, call it “art” and hope no one notices that you cobbled it together with the literary equivalent of chicken wire, duct tape, and used Doublemint gum.
I’m in charge of this dark, cobwebby corner of da Interwebz, and I could be 1,000 words in before anyone notices that I haven’t said anything of value. That’s OK; as far as I know, I’m not getting paid for any of this, and my agent’s in rehab somewhere on a Buddhist monastery in northern Saskatchewan. So let’s enjoy the ride, shall we?
I started this journey back way back on May 4, 2021. I’d recently shuttered What Would Jack Do?, my previous blog of almost 20 years, and I wanted to do something different, though I had no idea what that might be. All I knew was that after 20 years, it was time to do something different.
So I went from writing for a blog where I regularly got a few hundred readers a day to one where perhaps 20 would stop by. Progress, no?? Some of my long-time readers did question my judgment, and I’ll concede that they had a point. Nonetheless, I told myself I’d wanted something different- something where I didn’t have to do all the administrative heavy lifting. All I’ve ever wanted to do was write.
Unfortunately, the person who’d been handling my IT issues for several years died recently. Ray was in his early 80s and had done far more for me than I’d deserved. He lived in Connecticut, and though I never met him, he kept my site together over its last few years. Why he put up with me I’ll never know, but I’m forever grateful for his assistance and longsuffering.
The good news is that Substack allows me to just write. Sure, I had to make a few minor editorial and design decisions, none of which I’m going to win Webbys for, but I have something that works pretty well. I can spend my time writing, which is what I care about. No, there aren’t any bells and whistles because I didn’t want any. Simple is better and causes me fewer headaches. And I like having fewer headaches.
I thought that maybe/possibly/hopefully, somewhere down the road, I might make some money, but I knew it wouldn’t happen immediately. For one thing, no one knows who the %$#@ I am, which is OK. I haven’t exactly busted my balls trying to attract attention. Writers, to be successful, have to be known and attract notice…and I tend to be attention-averse.
My life is full of contradictions.
I’ve published one book (you can find it here), and I’m currently (and slowly) working on my second. I have zero Pulitzers, I’ve spent no time on the New York Times bestsellers list, and no one’s written glowing reviews of my work at the New York Review of Books. So, yeah; I’m an unknown quantity in the publishing world- a nobody, really, but I don’t build my self-worth on attention and acclaim. (Though if book groupies were throwing underwear or $100 bills at me, it wouldn’t offend me.)
The great thing about what I do here is that I can write whatever the voices tell me to. And where else can I let the voices dictate what I do without getting into real trouble- like being required to register as a sex offender, f’rinstance? So what happens here stays here.
Well, not quite. The whole point of doing this is for people to read my work- hopefully, many people. I’m not there yet, but what’s the saying? Do what you love, and they’ll go easy on you if you’re a first-time offender?
Something like that.
As far as growing my readership, it’s been a slow process, but I haven’t exactly been breaking my advertising budget, which is precisely $0.00. I suck at self-promotion, if you want the truth. I’m like a lot of writers in that I’m an almost obsessive introvert. I like people, but they make me nervous, so I spend a lot of time in my basement office.
The voices know me there. Even better, they seem to like me.
Despite the wordy, stream-of-consciousness prelude, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m looking for help from my readers. I know what I like and what I enjoy doing, and that’s great if all I want to do is entertain myself.
(And I’m easily entertained.)
But, seeing as how I have actual readers, I thought it would be fun and interesting to see if any of y’all have ideas- things you’d like to see, things you’d like me to write about, anything at all. Of course, any suggestions should be (reasonably) family-friendly, and shouldn’t involve me taking my clothes off (NO one needs to be subjected to that).
The late Ann Garrels broadcast naked when she was working for NPR in Baghdad, and that seemed to work for her. Of course, her nudity was strategic in that it was intended to give her time to hide her satellite phone if the Iraqi police knocked on her door. She even wrote a book called Naked in Baghdad.
Ah, but I digress….
I’m also not keen on ideas that involve me playing Russian Roulette or juggling razor blades. Honestly, I’d feel better if we just kept it to writing. That’s at least within my comfort zone.
Feedback is always welcome. I have some definite ideas about where I want this to go (this is my sandbox, after all), but one of the drawbacks of doing this is that it’s often a one-way conversation. I throw together 1,000-1,500 words, turn it loose onto da Interwebz, and hope for the best. Sometimes it hits, and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it feels as if I’m screaming into the void, and at times I AM screaming into that void.
Welcome to life as a creative. At least I’m not doing it naked.
You’re welcome.
It says something- probably nothing good- that my most popular post thus far has been about putting litter boxes in schools for kids who allegedly identify as cats. Imagine the indigestion and righteous heartache that caused Conservatives, eh? Of course, I live for stuff like that. I love tweaking the sensibilities of those righteous guardians of all things Right and Holy in America. They don’t love me back, but it’s not about that. I adore having a forum that allows me to have a wee bit o’ fun at the expense of those who lack a sense of humor and/or take themselves WAY too seriously. Life is too short to spend it with your panties in a wad.
Yeah, that’s right; love me, hate me- just don’t ignore me. I’m not that insecure, but I can play it that way on TV if I have to.
I’m extremely grateful to my free and paid subscribers. It’s nice to know that someone’s actually paying attention and that some of y’all are willing to contribute to my continuing delinquency. I hope I’ll continue to prove myself worthy of that support. Perhaps some day I’ll be able to make some money off this newsletter. Even if that doesn’t happen, I’ll still have a need to unburden myself. It’s cheaper than therapy, and safer than juggling chainsaws. And writing is the one thing in my life I know I’m good at.
So let me know what you think. I’d love to hear from you!
Stay tuned, for we know not what the future holds.
