Ted Cruz Is Too Smart To Be This F*****g Stupid...And Yet....

The junior Senator from Texas proves that irony is not dead...but it is on life support

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

• Henry Miller

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

• Harlan Ellison

For a guy with a couple of Ivy League degrees, including a J.D., Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) certainly can be a major league, five-star, Grade A, top-shelf, USDA Prime dumbass. You’d think that someone so ostensibly intelligent would have at least the minimum daily requirement of self-awareness, no?

Uh…no.

And yet, the junior Senator from the Lone Star State consistently gets owned by the Twitterati for the stupidest shit imaginable. It’s as if his motto is “Ready, fire, aim!”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) got a blunt reminder of his own views and the policies of his party over the weekend after a tweet in which he denounced the “nanny state” over smoking bans….

Cruz claimed to be against “nanny-state authoritarianism” and for “your damn choice.”

But his critics were quick to point out some glaring inconsistencies with that message ― noting that Cruz is very much against choice when it comes to abortion, and his party is very much for “nanny-state authoritarianism” when it comes to everything from book bans to legal weed to drag shows.

For someone so committed to opposing “nanny-state authoritarianism,” Sen. Cruz seems to have conveniently forgotten all of the “nanny-state authoritarianism” his own party has been engaging in of late.

Or is he thinking of it like “judicial activism?” You know, it’s the worst sort of evil imaginable when Liberals do it, but when Conservatives do it…meh, ‘tisn’t a problem. That’s the way it’s supposed to work, knowhutimean?

Uh, no…that’s what some of us call hypocrisy.

And Sen. Cruz was quickly checked by the Twitterati…and it was a beautiful thing.

I could hardly care less about Sen. Cruz’s view on cigarettes, but if he’s going to invoke personal choice, he’s opened himself up to all sorts of well-deserved ridicule.

How is it that he’s so vehemently pro-choice on cigarettes, a known carcinogen, but so passionately anti-choice when it comes to abortion, which doesn’t cause cancer and has no known adverse health effects?

Or is this just about hypocrisy, misogyny, and the GOP’s long-held virulent hatred of women? As a party, the GOP disrespects women and devalues their independence and ability to think for themselves. That’s been crystal clear for generations.

But my real concern lies with Sen. Cruz. How does someone so ostensibly intelligent spend so much time tripping over his dick? I could probably relate chapter and verse the times over the years when he’s said and/or done something so phenomenally stupid that you’d think he was running for 7th-grade treasurer. It’s like he lacks the self-awareness to recognize how ridiculous his words will sound to other people. Either that, or he’s so astonishingly arrogant that he honestly believes himself to be orders of magnitude more intelligent than other mere mortals.

Yeah, about that….

I won’t call Sen. Cruz an idiot, because he’s not. The man’s a conniving son-of-a-bitch who’s intelligent and ambitious enough to make it to the U.S. Senate. Yet he was alienating colleagues on Day One, and most wouldn’t piss on him if he were en fuego.

On the flip side, he stood idly by while The Former Guy called his wife ugly, and even after that, continued to suck up to him like a spineless toady. Likewise, he kept his powder dry when The Former Guy accused his father of being involved in JFK’s assassination.

I’m not a violent person, but if someone egregiously insulted my wife, we’d be having words at close quarters, at the very least. And Sen. Cruz stood idly by with his shit-eating grin because he figured that sticking close to The Former Guy would accrue to his political advantage.

What a spineless f*****g wienie.

Besides being utterly devoid of integrity, lacking in anything resembling trustworthiness, and having all the smarminess of Joe Isuzu (Google it, kids), Ted Cruz is a 24-karat asshole with little to no redeeming social value. The person I most feel sorry for is his wife, Heidi, who has to wake up to him each morning. Imagine Ted Cruz being the first thing you see each morning.

Ewww…just ewww…. Then again, she made her bed….

His seat is up for re-election next year, and who knows what will happen there? Liberals all over the country thought Beto O’Rourke had a legitimate chance to unseat the smarmy bastard in 2018, but this is Texas, and most Texans would vote for a ham sandwich if it had an “R” behind its name. And so it was in the last go-round. I don’t know that things will be any different this time, particularly if Texas Democrats can’t recruit a strong candidate with national name recognition. It’s going to take money from all over the country to defeat Ted Cruz, if it’s even possible to do so.

It’s difficult to imagine a politician more universally reviled than Ted Cruz, which may account for why he’s such an irredeemable asshole. He knows he’s not just disliked but actively despised; that’s got to wear on a person, no? Combine that with being a Grade-A, 24-karat, top-shelf, five-star, USDA Prime asshole, and it can’t be much fun being Ted Cruz. Of course, he probably thought power would be a lot more fun.

Then again, if he could figure out a way to stop constantly stepping on his dick, life might be easier for him. Of course, his absence of self-awareness and his complete self-centeredness has got to make being a politician in a collaborative body virtually impossible. Especially now that he knows most, if not all, of his colleagues detest him with every fiber of their being.

If things weren’t already bad enough, it looks as if Sen. Cruz may have been up to his balls in plotting to overthrow the 2020 Presidential election. Sadly for him, we may soon see a bit more sweat on his slimy brow.

Yeah, ‘tain’t easy being an asshole. Not that I would know, of course.