This Just In- GOP Triumphs Bigly Over Cheap Insulin!

Hey, if Americans need insulin to survive, they shouldn't be poor!!

Despite what you may have heard from Republicans over the past few years, it turns out that few battles have been more crucial to them than the struggle to keep insulin prices artificially high. Why? Who knows; Republicans have bent over and grabbed their ankles for Big Pharma for so long that the reasons no longer matter. It’s just what they do.

I’ll hazard a guess, though. I’m thinking it has something to do with money- boatloads of money. Just a hunch.

Just as Republicans are owned lock, stock, and tuchus by the National Rifle Association, so it is that they’ve been on their knees…well, I’m not going anything further with that analogy. This is a family show, after all. Let’s just say that kneepads and lipstick are standard equipment when GOP Congresscritters meet with Big Pharma lobbyists…if you know what I mean.

Conservatives across the nation have railed against "Big Pharma" for the last few years, furious that companies like Moderna and Pfizer would do something as cruel as develop a vaccine to prevent people from contracting a highly transmissible virus that could kill them, instead of just letting them eat horse paste and drink magic bleach, as God intended. But there are still a few things they love about massive pharmaceutical companies, and one of them is the absolutely obscene prices they charge Americans for lifesaving drugs like insulin.

This weekend, 43 Republican senators took a brave stand during IRA negotiations and crushed a provision to cap insulin prices at $35 a month, a price that would still be about three times what it is in most other countries. Right now, the average price of a month's supply of insulin in the States runs from $175 to $300, so $35 a month would have been a very welcome change for a lot of people or sinners God doesn't love enough to bless with enough money to afford the more exorbitant prices. Surely, if God/Jesus/The Holy Ghost wanted those people to have insulin he would have given them bodies that produce insulin properly on their own, or made them rich enough to afford it!

Indeed, a benevolent God would’ve provided for those of His flock who need insulin to survive, no? So if an American citizen needs insulin to survive, they have two choices:

1. They can stop being poor, or

2. They can go to a socialist hell-hole country willing to support their lazy, leech-like lifestyle.

Republicans are merely doing God’s work, ensuring that pharmaceutical companies continue to enjoy their God-given right to reap obscene profits. After all, who says the American healthcare system is about patient care? Anyone with half a brain knows that American healthcare is about ensuring the inflated bottom lines of insurance and pharmaceutical companies. Healing patients? That’s a by-product of protecting profit margins, don’tchaknow?? This is America; how could any other business model make sense?

If Big Pharma couldn’t charge exorbitant rates for insulin, how could they continue to ensure that their CEOs receive multi-million-dollar bonuses and golden parachutes upon retirement? How could they continue to support and maintain their three or four vacation homes? How could they maintain their mistresses in the style to which they’ve become accustomed? Or send their offspring to Ivy League schools with brand new Mercedes S-classes?

There are excellent reasons for why insulin prices are as high as they are, and Republicans understand that it’s their responsibility to help protect Big Pharma’s business model.

What business model, you ask? It’s pretty simple: If greed is good, grotesque greed is f****n’ AWESOME!!

THAT business model.

Don’tcha just LOVE America?

Maybe diabetic Republicans across the country are breathing a sigh of relief now, safe in the knowledge that insulin will remain an exclusive luxury product, unavailable to the teeming masses. How are they supposed to know they are better than other people if they don't get to see someone slip into a diabetic coma every once in a while?

Or maybe they are not all that jazzed. Turns out, capping the cost of insulin is an extremely popular provision, and according to Data for Progress, 85 percent of Americans support capping the cost at $35.

The measure was proposed by Democratic Georgia Senator Raphael Warnock, and in order for it to be added to the reconciliation bill, Democrats required 60 votes in favor. But with 50 Democrats and the seven Republicans, they were three votes short of victory.

In the end, the Senate Parliamentarian shat all over the Crap On Inflation Act, or whatever they called it, and the insulin cap was pulled out of the bill. So, Big Pharma wins again, which is how it works when lobbyists have millions to spread liberally around the halls of Congress.

Republicans, I suspect, will find a nice bonus on their year-end payout from Big Pharma. They’ve worked hard to keep the wheels of democracy greased for pharmaceutical companies this year, and it shows.

So, just to be clear, for the vast majority of Senate Republicans, Big Pharma is bad when it makes lifesaving vaccines and good when it's charging American citizens absolutely obscene amounts of money for drugs people in other countries can buy for almost nothing.

Sure, that sums it up nicely, but you’ll remember that during the most intense days of the COVID-19 pandemic, Republicans weren’t exactly doing cartwheels over vaccines then, either. Something about “freedom” and “liberty” and how mask mandates were examples of “big government tyranny.”

Republicans were happy to let people drink bleach or eat horse paste, neither of which demonstrated any effectiveness on COVID-19. Then again, neither of those had been forced on patriotic Americans by that medical Nazi, Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Besides, REAL Americans knew enough not to trust the so-called “doctors” and “scientists” who were trying to force vaccines into our veins. REAL Americans understood what it was all about- the government putting microchips into our bloodstream so they could track and control us. Sure, they SAID it would help to protect us from COVID-19, but REAL Americans knew the only protection they needed was the Lord Jesus Christ. The more than one million who died was mere the cost of freedumb.

Of course, Republicans, being the only party truly turned into the will of the people, were only too happy to allow the loons and freak shows to do their thing- because they were going to vote Republican. Sure, some of them would die off before the midterms, but with any luck, there would be enough left to help them flip Congress.

In the end, only one thing matters to Republicans (besides money)- political power. Despite their best efforts to shoot themselves in the foot, they still have a decent chance of coming out on top in November…and that should scare the Hell out of any decent, thinking American.