This Week on "Moist Dingus Watch"
Racists, shitheads, assholes, and liars...oh, my!! Can anyone make it make sense?
I know; “stupid” can be such a subjective term, but one does have to admit that in our world, there’s no lack of intellectually and/or morally challenged dinguses among us. And since I’ve always been fascinated with the subject of human stupidity, I’ve found that my challenge has been winnowing down the candidates when I’m compiling a list.
And it’s no different this time around, when, just for giggles, I thought I’d put together a short list of a few of the intellectually bereft, hypocritical, and morally challenged in our world. Why? Because this is my sandbox and I love doing something where I can be the ultimate arbiter of STOOPID. It’s right up my alley, after all.
One, a Georgia Republican Party High Priest, has spent the last several years complaining vociferously that Donald Trump DONE GOT ROBBED in 2020. This week, they were convicted of voting NINE times while being a felon on probation, which is illegal in Georgia. Their sentence? A “$5,000 fine — $500 for each count and $500 for registering to vote illegally — and $375.14 for what it cost the court” to have them investigated.
The other didn’t even officially vote! While on supervised release for a tax felony, they weren’t sure if they were allowed to vote, so they filed a provisional ballot…and were then sentenced to five years in federal prison for doing precisely what they were supposed to do.
I’ll let you figure out which threat to our social order is White.
MI Rep Matt Maddock Sees Something, Says Something, Is Hilariously Wrong, Won't Shut Up:
Sure, Michigan State Rep. Matt Maddock (R-Bumfuk) may be a racist, rabid Right-wing nutcase, but he knows an invasion when he sees one…or at least he thought he did.
How was he supposed to know that they were basketball players? After all, most of them were Black. And tall. And…well, different.
Didn’t Joe Biden commandeer all of America’s planes to spread illegal immigrants all across the country so he could steal the election in November? That’s what he did in 2020, and look how well that worked for him.
Nobody pulls a fast on Matt Maddock, though:
It’s good to know that Michigan will be safe from being invaded by Black college basketball players.
Rightwing Michigan state Rep. Matt Maddock (R- duh) is an election denier and all-around conspiracy nut, so it’s not really too surprising that he would take to Twitter with a harebrained panicky tweet claiming that three buses at the Detroit airport just HAD to be “loaded up with illegal invaders,” because after all, they had a police escort and Elon says Joe Biden is flying invaders into the US to steal elections (except that’s not happening).
Spoiler alert: The convoy — nay, a caravan! — of chartered buses actually carried the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, which arrived in Detroit Wednesday to play in the NCAA tournament. Still, it sure LOOKED fishy to Maddock, because in MAGA brains, all airplanes and buses have been commandeered to spread undocumented invaders all over America.
That’s right…you never can be too careful, knowhutimean? The next thing you know Biden will be flying illegals into red states so they can vote Democrat and steal another erection election. But good, God-fearing, patriotic, White Conservative Christian Cisgender Heterosexuals like Rep. Maddock are wise to the tricks of those evil Dimmocrats, don’tchaknow?
Even if they get one kinda wrong now and again.
this week in stupid: March 30th edition
If there’s anyone more to blame for the current state of our politics than Newt Gingrich, I’m at a loss to know who that could possibly be. When he staged his Hissy Fit Revolution in 1994 to become Speaker of the House, his slash-and-burn, anything goes, winning-is-all-that-matters tactics began to corrode the American body politic. What used to be in the main a moderately cohesive body based on fighting like cats and dogs during working hours and comity after hours gradually became the home of 24/7/365 enmity and disdain.
Now Gingrich is complaining about the state of politics in Washington and America? Hypocrisy, thy name is Newt.
Yes, good sir, thou mayest fuck off to a fair thee well, my dude…or, as
puts it,long-past-his-sell-by-date political terrorist Newt Gingrich is in the middle of a ginormous unhappy right now.
“you have to decide. sooner or later you gotta realize, the bills have been worse since McCarthy’s gone. the Democrats are in greater control. the hard-liners on the right have done nothing but make it worse. the Freedom Caucus right now has been a disaster in public policy terms. you think your job in life is to grandstand and complain while the other team runs over you.”
holy shit, this is like Jeffrey Dahmer going on TV to whine about all the serial killers.
piss all the way up a rope, Newt. nobody has done more to destroy functional government than you. you were a grandstanding obstructionist asshole before anyone in the Freedom Caucus was born. you came to Washington to throw bombs and fuck shit up, and these Freedom Fucksticks are simply following your example — and now you have the nerve to complain that all the land mines you buried are blowing up?
Seriously, y’all; this is the same bottom feeder responsible for this memorable moment in our history:
That’s no exaggeration. The Tantrum King had a major sad over not being treated in the manner he felt befit his position…and then he shut the government down in large part to express his displeasure with a President he personally despised.
Maturity was not at the top of the Gingrich priority list, knowhutimean?
Come to think of it, neither was moral behavior…or commitment to his multiple marriage vows. Then he had the chutzpah the lead the torches-and-pitchforks brigades who tried to take down Bill Clinton because of a blowjob, something Gingrich and many of his fellow Morality Police had probably received in their own offices.
Remember when hypocrisy used to be a thing? Nah, I can’t either.
There was a time when Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) coulda been somebody- maybe a waitress at a DC Waffle House or a hostess at a Morton’s in Georgetown…or perhaps even a stripper at a gentleman’s club in Anacostia. Given the lack of maturity with which she’s conducted herself during her two terms in Congress, she might have trouble getting hired for those jobs now.
Thankfully, her prospects of re-election in November are approximately the same of me being selected as the next Miss Colorado. Trust me, no one’s going to want to see the swimsuit competition….
Though she’s switched districts after realizing her chances of re-election in the one she currently represents is roughly zero, her chances in her new district aren’t much better. Her campaign audiences are in the tens, so you can’t really call it “Boebertmentum,” can you?
I’m not sure what you’d call it, but whatever it is, it’s quite sad and desperate.
noted sex therapist Handy Oakley’s plan to take Colorado’s Fourth District by storm is going rather swimmingly.
Scandal-ridden Colorado Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert drew a small crowd to a campaign event as she fights to retain a place in Washington after switching districts.
oh dear.
really weird how Colorado Republicans are rejecting Handy. what could be more on-brand for the GOP than a bubble-headed attention-hungry moron with a criminal record whose private life and family are a fucking embarassment?
I mean, didn’t I basically describe Donald Trump just now?
Spot on, amigo. Spot on.
Tell the nice man what he’s won….
Fox News host freaks out after guest recalls Trump having dinner with a Nazi
Have you noticed that some folks on the Far-Right are FAR more offended that someone might credibly accuse Donald Trump of being sympathetic to Nazism than they are with the possibility that such an accusation might be true?
“I am shocked, SHOCKED, that someone would even THINK there is NAZISM occurring on these premises!!”
Fox News' Tammy Bruce and Harris Faulkner took great offense on Monday after a guest pointed out that former President Donald Trump hosted a Nazi influencer for dinner at his Mar-a-Lago resort.
Jonathan Kott, a former communications director and senior advisor to Senator Joe Manchin (D-WV), appeared on the network to generally defend President Joe Biden's record and to contrast him with Trump, his likely opponent in the 2024 election.
"I would rather have a president who maybe has a stutter once in a while than one who spews conspiracy theories, racist nonsense, and has dinner with Nazis," he said. "So if given the choice between one of the other, I'm happy that Joe Biden might misspeak once in a while when he's trying to name a president of a foreign country."
Kott's remarks drew an angry response from Bruce, who accused him of casting aspersions on the entire Republican Party.
"We just heard him call a number of Republicans Nazis," she said.
"Hold on," Kott interjected. "I didn't call Republicans Nazis. He had dinner with a Nazi!"
Hey, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and eats with ducks…the odds are pretty good that we’re talking about a duck, knowhutimean?
That’s not to say that Donald Trump spends his free time goose-stepping around Mar-a-Lago, but if you’re making nice in public with Nazis, some of that stench is bound to rub off on you, at least in the eyes of the press and/or others who may observe the proceedings.
Besides, Jonathan Kott makes a very good point- would you rather have a President who occasionally stutters…or one who hangs around with avowed Nazis?
I don’t know about you, but that seems like kind of a no-brainer to me.
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It’s astounding how many clumps of shit can easily be found in our sand box’s these days. This species of faeces attracts the flys which end up becoming MAGA’ts. They must be swatted down and eradicated immediately,in order to keep our playgrounds healthy and environmentally safe! 🤪
"this is like Jeffrey Dahmer going on TV to whine about ..." I would have said, "... the quality of Korean meat." But that probably would have been in bad taste.
It is hysterical that Booboo tries to play Carpet Bagger in a new district, but she's the only bag and the closest she comes to the carpet is her rug burn.